I’ve never acted on these disobedient thoughts, maybe because knowing my luck I would act out and I would get the opposite of what I am looking for. I would wind up tied up and left somewhere completely frustrated and not allowed to come. I also think that if I did this once I might get away with it but Master would quickly discover my game and then I would be in trouble.
I think the other reason I don’t follow through is because even though I may enjoy those other things in the moment I get a lot of long term pleasure out of pleasing Master. So while acting out might get me immediate gratification it won’t give me long term satisfaction. Not to mention I would feel horribly guilty and wind up confessing my indiscretion to Master which would I’m sure set off a chain of events that would not be pleasant or worth it.
I just don’t think I could blatantly be defiant. It’s just not me. Although if Master made me angry enough my evil side would most assuredly rear its ugly head and I may do something disobedient without thinking and then have terrible remorse after I calm down, but at that point I would be unable to take it back…that’s the problem with having a wickedly short temper it can get you in heaps of trouble. And who would I really be hurting by lashing out or misbehaving, certainly not Master, I would only be hurting myself. I would be disrespecting my relationship with Master and in turn disrespecting myself. As I said before I just don't feel its worth it, but I can't say it doesn't cross my mind.