Monday, August 25, 2008

Being a Bad Girl

I can’t say there aren’t times when acting out crosses my mind. Moments when I think to myself…hmm I wonder what would happen if I…..but then I don’t go through with it. Those thoughts seem to float through my head when I think I want Master to be rougher, spank me longer, go deeper, pull my hair harder or any combination of those things. That’s when the business dominant personality and my submissive side conflict and if I’m not careful I get myself in trouble and try topping from below.

I’ve never acted on these disobedient thoughts, maybe because knowing my luck I would act out and I would get the opposite of what I am looking for. I would wind up tied up and left somewhere completely frustrated and not allowed to come. I also think that if I did this once I might get away with it but Master would quickly discover my game and then I would be in trouble.

I think the other reason I don’t follow through is because even though I may enjoy those other things in the moment I get a lot of long term pleasure out of pleasing Master. So while acting out might get me immediate gratification it won’t give me long term satisfaction. Not to mention I would feel horribly guilty and wind up confessing my indiscretion to Master which would I’m sure set off a chain of events that would not be pleasant or worth it.

I just don’t think I could blatantly be defiant. It’s just not me. Although if Master made me angry enough my evil side would most assuredly rear its ugly head and I may do something disobedient without thinking and then have terrible remorse after I calm down, but at that point I would be unable to take it back…that’s the problem with having a wickedly short temper it can get you in heaps of trouble. And who would I really be hurting by lashing out or misbehaving, certainly not Master, I would only be hurting myself. I would be disrespecting my relationship with Master and in turn disrespecting myself. As I said before I just don't feel its worth it, but I can't say it doesn't cross my mind.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I think a big part of me what acting out. I didn't do it on purpose at first and if I did, it was just playfully.
But after things really died down I started acting out to get him to respond to me. Now I am not saying it was the right way to act. But it got me some attention.
After things died I always acted out I guess more or less to test. To see if he was going to stick to it this time. He never did.
But it can play out to be fun at times. lol