Thursday, July 31, 2008

Orgasm Control

There seems be a lot of chatter lately about orgasm control/denial lately. It seems there must be something in the air because I've read a ton of blogs talking about it. Some slaves have free reign to come as they please others have to ask for permission and may or may not receive it. I fall somewhere in between but closer to the second category.

Master controls most of my orgasms whether I'm with him or not. I have a female playmate that Master has agreed to share me with and as long as I tell him about it afterward I won't be punished. This is the only exception to the rule regarding my orgasms and this doesn't happen that often.

I try not to be greedy and Master will often give me several tokens to use at my discretion - of course this usually rattles me and amuses him because then there are too many decisions to make like when will I use them? What if I use them all too fast? Will I then be left to suffer for a long time? I could always ask/beg for more but I often find that very difficult to do. Whenever I have to ask I feel like such a greedy little slut and often I feel guilty and ashamed for asking for more. But I guess that's the point.

Master rarely denies me, often its more of a delay than a denial, but now I find I'm denying myself. I only see Master on weekends (our schedules and distance don't often allow more than this) and he usually prefers to keep me a little deprived before I serve, it keeps me focused and eager, not that I need much prompting for that since I get wet when I hear his voice. But here is the thing, I've been having trouble sleeping and last night Master suggested I make myself come to help me relax. His hope was that it would will help me sleep. What did I do? I thanked him and couldn't bring myself to use it. Oh I thought about it. May have even started the process but I just couldn't follow through I knew if I did I would be disappointed in myself for not waiting and keeping myself a little frustrated.

I still can't believe it but I know that I just can't do it. If Master told me to do it, instead of suggesting it then I know I would do it and be okay with it. But to come just so I can relax I think would make me feel like I was letting him down by not being able to do without. Of course an overly tired slave is not going to be much fun either but I'm sure I can find other ways to fall asleep. Well at least I hope I can.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

First Spanking

Since most of my stories are very long I thought I would post an excerpt from one now and then. This is a slave's first lesson in manners.

“Apparently you are having a hard time understanding that I am in charge, and expect to be addressed as Master or Sir” He said as he pinched my nipple hard between two fingers. I gasped and pulled back on instinct but he didn’t let go. “It appears we will have our first lesson. Stand up and lay across my lap face down. I need to discipline you. I think this time I will give you a spanking.”

I looked at him with confusion as he released my nipple and moved his body forward in the chair. “ But…” I started to say.

“I said, stand up and lay across my lap now.” His voice was stern and left no room for debate.

I stood and slowly lowered my body across his lap as if I was a child. I was confused. My hair hung down over my face, a spanking? I had never been spanked, not even as a child. And here I was a grown professional woman lying across a strangers lap about to get spanked for the first time. I was terrified and excited. He ran his hands across my ass and up to the waist band of my panties. He hooked his fingers underneath the band and started to pull them down. I jumped, raising my chest up.

He let go and pushed my body back down across his lap. “I am going to spank your bare ass, not one that is covered. I want to see the lovely shade of red your ass is going to get by the time I’m done.” He said.

Again he slid his fingers beneath the waist of my panties and pulled them down, exposing me. He pushed them down until they pooled around my ankles.

“Kick them off.” He said.

I hesitated and quickly felt the sting of his hand against my skin. I yelped and jumped up again.

“When I tell you to do something, you need to do it quicker.” He said pushing me back down across his lap. My panties dangled around only one ankle now. “Stay down and kick them off now. His voice was harsh and demanding.

I quickly shook them free of my ankle, jiggling my body to get them free. “Good girl.” He said soothingly, as he slowly started running his hands over me. “Now spread your legs a little.”

I bit my lip and moved my legs apart, making me feel vulnerable. His hand continue to glide over me, his fingers sliding between the cheeks of my ass slowly moving his way down to trailing his fingers through wetness between my legs. I gasped and felt myself blush. I was glad I was lying face down so he couldn’t see the effect he had on me. He stroked me a few more times and to my dismay I began to push back against his hand. “Not yet,” he said sliding his hand back up to the curve of my ass. “I need to teach you a lesson first.” My mind raced, at his words, but before a full thought was formed I felt the sting of his hand come connect with my skin again. I hissed and bit my lip. His hand came down again and again, my ass stinging, my pussy swelling with each slap. Little cries escaped my lips as he continued his assault. It was such a strange sensation. It stung and hurt and I could feel tears forming in the corner of my eyes but I was also turned on, lying here across the lap of a stranger in only my bra.

I lost track of how many times his hand came down, all I could do was feel, the pain, the excitement the shame that I liked it. I was wiggling in his lap trying to get away from the blows. When he finally stopped, my ass continued to throb, I could feel the heat from where his stokes landed. “ Hmmm, nice and red.” He said. He ran his hands slowly over me, giving my ass a little squeeze now and then. I wiggled even more on his lap. His hand slid down between my legs his fingers sliding in the wetness there.

“I can see you liked that too” he said with a little chuckle as he slowly slid a finger inside me. My face burned with humiliation. It was true I did enjoy it. I squirmed as his fingers slid in and out of me but his other hand gripped my hip tightly, keeping me still. “This is mine” he said slipping another finger inside me, causing me to gasp. “You are mine. I will do what I want with what is mine when I want. Do you understand?”

My mind reeling from the sensations, I gasped out “yes…” then with a quick jolt of fear I said “yes, Sir”.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008


I was browsing some other slave blogs today and I started to notice a common theme, many slaves have an aversion to having their picture taken while training. This really struck a cord with me. I used to have a very hard time with having my photo taken on regular occasions so it was particularly difficult for me to adjust to Master frequently taking photos during my trainings.

There are many reasons for this, I think like most women I have body image issues, I'm very critical of what I see in the mirror. It’s actually quite sad that so many of us can't embrace our shape. I applaud those women of varying shapes and sizes who love and accept their bodies. I am just beginning to embrace mine.

Another reason I’m leery of photos is the whole fear of them winding up on the internet somewhere where a coworker or family member will find it. I’m fairly identifiable in most photos so one leaked photo could seriously damage my career. So for me, Master’s photos of me were not only a lesson in acceptance of myself but also in trust.

When I first met Master I was very against any photos being taken of me. I voiced my objection which was noted, but ignored, as was his right. He has been very generous in not sharing these photos with anyone though. However, he has taken a few recently in which it would be very difficult to identify me and we have discussed sharing these with others. The decision is ultimately his but I am filled with gratitude at his willingness to discuss it with me. He can be very generous.

I have always found women attractive. I love their bodies and adore worshiping them with my fingers, hands, mouth etc. I have been with women of many shapes and sizes and my critics’ eye remains silent, it seems to only be reserved for me. Women’s shapes are erotic and beautiful and it has always struck me as such a paradox that I can feel this way about others and yet I am still so critical of my own body.

It’s still quite hard for me to look at the photos that Master has taken of me. I look at them with such a critical eye, but I am starting to see the beauty that he sees, the shape of my hip, the curve of my ass, the sexiness of an arched foot, the curve of my breasts. I have started to take photos of myself as a gift to him, and sometimes it's easier for me to look at those photos.

I feel that I am moving toward greater acceptance. It gets harder to feel critical when you are bound and posed on a bed or in a corner unable to move, with Master watching you as he would a sculpture or piece of art. You can’t help but feel beautiful like that. Sure at first it can be embarrassing; I would even go so far as to say humiliating at times. I would often disassociate taking myself away from what was happening but Master would bring me back to my training, making sure I understood my role. I don't find it quite as difficult anymore and strive to arch and curve my body in a way that is pleasing to him.

I’ve accepted the scrutiny of his gaze but I still have trouble with the photos. I’m hoping it won’t take too long before I can look at photos of myself, that he has taken of me bound, posed and submissive and appreciate the beauty as he does. I guess some barriers are just harder to break through than others.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Final Surrender

This was part of an assignment that I was given regarding a training that took place.

It was a lazy afternoon and I was sleeping in Masters arms. I loved the feel of his arms wrapped possessively around me. It made me feel warm, safe, kept. I usually don't like to be touched while I sleep but there is something comforting about being in my owners embrace.

As I began waking up he leaned into me and whispered in my ear that he was going to have me again soon. I shuddered instantly turned on. His hardness pressed up against my ass made me squirm in anticipation. I was never a very patient person and whenever he told me what he was going to do to me ahead of time it was hard to concentrate and the waiting seemed like an eternity.

He allowed me to take him in my mouth in anticipation of what was to come, the feel of him as he grew bigger and harder in my mouth added to my frustration but I continued to try to be patient. I loved pleasing him, being a good slave. I knew in the end my patience would be rewarded. He could be demanding and rough but his rewards were always worth it.

He grabbed a handful of my hair bringing my attention to what he was about to say, instead of losing myself to the pleasure of having him in my mouth. He told me that he wanted me to get my ass ready because he intended to use it this time. My heart fluttered, it had been so long since I was last used like that and the last time he had wanted to it had been too much. I had so many emotions going through me at the moment, joy, and the eagerness of wanting to please, and fear. I knew for me this final step would seal my fate. I knew he was my Owner but there was a rebellious piece of me still lurking inside that knew he hadn't taken full ownership of me yet. With this final act the lock would click shut on my bondage. My body would belong to him.

My wandering thoughts paralyzed me and before I knew what was happening I was being dragged from the bed with a firm tight grip on my hair. Master led me to the bathroom and told me to prepare my body, my ass for his use. He wanted me back in the bedroom soon, I wasn't done pleasing him orally and when I was done with that he intended to finally stake his claim to the rest of my body.

He left me there shaken, turned on and eager. I quickly pushed aside all my fears focusing on the pleasure of complete submission.

I returned to the bedroom nervous and eager. I knew this was right, I wanted him to take full possession of me, and in fact I needed it. I eagerly went back to the pleasant task of pleasuring him with my mouth trying to push all other anticipations and thoughts aside. After a few minutes he grabbed my hair again and told me to lie on my side. I did as I was told and waited in nervous anticipation. He lay down beside me his erection pressing gently against my ass waiting for entry. It was my job to guide him inside me, to freely give what he demanded.

It was difficult at first the pain was sharp but I heard his voice telling me to relax. I zoned in on his voice and asked him to touch me I figure the distraction would help me relax and it did, helping me to surrender to him completely. I felt him filling me taking me where only one other had ever been and the pleasure and submission overwhelmed me.

Master continued to talk to me making sure I was aware of what was happening, keeping me present in his domination of this last part of me that I had considered my own. He slid in and out of my ass leaving no doubt that my ownership was complete. His words reminded me that I was his property to take when and how he pleased. That it was my duty to obey and be a dutiful obedient slave. I completely agreed, how could I not when I derived so much pleasure from serving him? My emotions and the pleasure were intense. I felt myself needing to come but struggled to hold back. I was soon reduced to begging for release and when he allowed me to come I almost burst into tears of gratitude. My body shattered and I was lost to everything except the pleasure coursing through my body. As my body calmed down Master remained inside me not moving much except for a deep thrust every now and again. He said he wanted to make sure that I was completely aware of his ownership of me. That he was just going to remain there for a while because he could. I sighed and pushed back into him in full acknowledgement of who I answer to and who holds the keys to my collar.

Serving Master

This is part of an assignment I was given to describe to someone what it's like to be a slave, it's been edited slightly from the original.

I’m surprised that you are asking what it’s like to spend time serving Master. I know you find the whole Master/slave thing strange and feel that I’ve set the women’s movement back 100 years but it’s really not like you imagine. Being in Master’s service is not abusive or cruel, I feel taken care of, cherished. It allows me to leave all the pressures and chaos of life behind and focus on one thing, pleasure. When I please Master in return I also receive pleasure, not just physically, although that’s a big part of it, but also mentally.

Is it kinky? Sometimes, but it’s also totally liberating. I know I’m a professional woman and people would be shocked if they found out I don’t consider myself a free woman, that my body belongs to another of which I am reminded daily. I find myself thinking about what he would like as I’m getting dressed, picking out panties, or finding shoes.

I maintain my body in certain ways not because I choose to, but because I’m told to it’s what Master demands. I am not allowed to touch myself or pleasure myself without asking first. My body belongs to him. I am not allowed to come without permission and even when I ask it doesn’t mean I will be allowed. There is something to be said for holding back your orgasm, when you are finally allowed to come it is usually that much more intense and fulfilling. At the moment you might not feel that way as you beg and pant the sensations sending shivers through your body but if you concentrate hard enough you can usually pull it back and that’s what its all about, control. His will over mine. At this point I can practically come on command. Oh I can’t just be sitting here and come but with even the slightest stimulation when I hear Master’s voice telling me to get ready I get aroused and when he tells me to come that burst of pleasure is so sweet.

When Master first grabs my hair or touches me it’s as if he flips a switch and my body remembers what to do, how to relax. His orders to kneel or strip aren’t requests they are statements and I know my job is to obey and in return I will receive great rewards.

I love when he holds me from behind, one hand wrapped in my hair the other roaming over my body, sometimes teasing, sometimes demanding and rough and other times just gently caressing as he whispers in my ear exactly what he is going to do to me. Telling me how he is going to take me and use every part of my body, it sends shivers down my spine, my back starts to arch and I am filled with desire. I often find it hard to concentrate on what is going on at that point I am so lost in sensation but a sharp slap or pinch quickly brings me back to the present.

Usually I am told to undress while he remains clothed. This always brings up feelings of insecurity and nervous excitement, his gaze drinking in my body as I stand there for his entertainment. I know you find it hard to believe that there is excitement in standing undressed in front of someone who is fully clothed or bending over exposing yourself to his inspection but it’s true. It’s like lightening shooting through your body. His gaze penetrates making it hard to stand still, you want to cover up but you also feel so free and wanton. It can be difficult at first but soon you realize that his gaze is not one of judgment but of appreciation and admiration and then your mind catches up with your body and you remember what he whispered in your ear about how he is going to use your body and your knees feel weak and you know it’s only a matter of time before he fulfills those intentions.

That’s not enough? You want to know more?

Masters hands roam wherever they want across my body, taking possession of what is his; reminding me that my body is no longer my own but a possession to be taken and played with at his whim. I have no say in where Master’s hands go or what they do; I surrendered that right when I agreed to this. It may technically be my body but I surrendered it to him a long time ago, now it belongs to him and he plays it like an instrument. He is the musician who knows just the right hand and finger placement to make it hum and sing. And sing it does, in a mixture of moans, and whimpers as he takes me, possesses me, owns me.

I see you squirming, could it be that you are beginning to understand the lure of this relationship, the pleasure in surrender?

What does it mean to surrender? There are many different ways to surrender, sometimes you just make the decision that it’s easier to surrender, other times you need to struggle before you can let go. Does that involved being tied up? Sometimes Master ties me up, or use some type of collar or cuff restraints when he isn’t physically subduing me with his hands but the surrender I’m talking about is more mental than physical.

I see your face and I know it makes you cringe to think about being tied up but step back from your prejudice and imagine it. You were beginning to understand it a moment ago. You seemed intrigued; your eyes became glassy and were starting to show interest. Now they’ve clouded over again, like a curtain coming down and closing off the possibility. Haven’t you ever been held down, restrained in any way while someone kisses you or makes love to you? It’s all about letting go to experience the sensations.

You don’t have to be tied up to experience this release but it makes it all the more exciting if you are. If you truly can’t move there is a hint of fear mixed in with the pleasure, you are totally at Master’s mercy and there really isn’t anything you can do but give in to either the excitement or the fear. I like being tied up, I love watching as Master ties the rope around my ankles or wrists bending me and binding me. I feel the same about cuffs and collars. Collars give me a sense of ownership, I know that when I am wearing Master’s collar I am in his service. Some might feel it’s demeaning. I look at it another way, does your pet have a collar? Of course he does. Why does he have a collar? Because you care for him and it shows that you own him, this is no different. It’s a symbol of ownership, of being someone’s property and hopefully your Master takes good care of what is his.

You realize every Master is different right?

No two are ever really the same. Some are just pretenders who like to play little role playing games, others are sadistic bastards are really in it more for the pain and humiliation of others, these people are just cruel. They don’t care about their slaves they don’t realize that the better you take care of your property the longer it lasts and the more pleasure you receive from it. Then there are the true Masters, the people who live it not just as pure fantasy, its part of their character, they are innately dominant, they are strict yet not cruel and this personality translates beyond the bedroom into every part of their lives.

But back to your questions, does Master spank me? Of course, with his hands, with a flogger or a cane, and with a crop, it depends on his mood. Spankings have taken on a whole new meaning, they seem naughty and erotic now and the sting of Master’s discipline sends little ripples of pleasure through my body. Does it hurt? It depends on what he is using but yes it usually it stings, sometimes it hurts more than others but I always found getting spanked a bit of a turn on and the more you combine it with pleasure the more erotic it becomes.

I could be on my knees with my mouth full while he crops my ass and know that after my ass is good and red he is going to drive himself deep into it while he plays with me making me cry out, the sensations almost too much to bear. And when he makes me come so hard I will feel tears coming to my eyes from the overwhelming emotion. My body will shake with release yet still I want more, not wanting it to end.

Your body starts to need to be spanked, you crave it and it gets to the point where an innocent friendly slap on the ass from a friend might trigger you to bite your lip to keep from crying out in pleasure, your reactions are so fine tuned to this treatment. His hand print on my ass is just another mark of his ownership. It is a reminder of who I belong to.

What do I find the most exciting? That would have to be when Master takes me and fills every part of me. It makes me wet to think about it. To feel so full, so taken is incredible, and when he comes down my throat or on my body marking me, I feel fulfilled. It’s hard to describe the feeling any better than this because there really are no words that give it justice. It’s so hard to concentrate when he does this to me, to ignore the feelings tearing through my body and concentrate on pleasing him. Which brings me full circle back to what I said before, it’s about control. His will over mine and mine is sadly lacking when he takes me this fully. My legs shake; I can’t help but move I am just untamed energy seeking release. If ever there is a release of control it is in this moment. I am so in control in so many other aspects of my life but when he possesses me by filling me in every way I can be filled, I am completely at his will. My place has never been clearer and the fact that I am his possessions is without doubt or struggle.

I’ve revealed all I can, all that I’m willing, take what you want from what I’ve told you, and experience it or not. I know my place is on my knees by Masters side, I hope you find your place and its as fulfilling as mine.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

The Beginning

My Master frequently gives me writing assignments describing how I feel about something, or a training that I've just had. I'm sure it gives him insight into my head (sometimes even I don't even know what's in there until I read what I've written).

Sharing those assignments is hard for me. I often find I've expressed feelings that I am ashamed to voice. I don't know who is sitting in judgment but there is often such a stigma attached to this type of relationship that it must have been ingrained in me somewhere. I present these assignments to Master not just because he told me to write them but also because I want to please him and I trust him enough to expose myself not only physically but also mentally.

I've kept my desires, fantasies, and feelings closely guarded and little by little Master is opening that door and exposing them pushing my limits and leading me on a wondrous journey. I'd pushed my slave desires deep inside over the years, after a bad experience. Re-entering this world has been a challenge for me, first I had to accept my desires then I had to find what I needed. Even after I found my Master I found that even though I wanted to hand myself over completely I still wasn't fully ready to let go, I didn't even know how. Through Master's strict guidance, patience and training I've been able to open up to find the freedom in submission and learned that my trust in him had not been misguided.

I've created this blog under Master's direction, to share some of my writings and experiences with people who may be curious about the Master/slave relationship, or share similar interests.