Sunday, August 31, 2008

In Plain Site (2 of 3)

I shivered thinking of all the people who were out today because of the lovely weather and that I would be standing outside half naked, exposed but hidden. Master stepped back and unzipped my skirt for me as I took hold of the sides and slide it down.

“Good, now the panties.”

I pushed my panties down to pool at my feet along with my skirt. Master reached down and retrieved my clothes, folding them neatly and placing them on one of the chairs. He ran his hand lightly across my ass and I shuddered. He gave me a few soft pats and I sucked in my breath.

“Breathe slave; act as if nothing is happening. Would you want anyone down on the street to know what I’m doing to you?”

“No Sir.” I reply.

“Then you will need to be careful.” He said as he wrapped his arms around me from behind again. His hand slipped down and started playing with my clit. “I’m going to make you come while you stand here and act as if nothing is happening. Is that clear slave?”

I took a deep breath, “Yes Sir.”

“Good, I’ll be right back I need to get something.” He kissed the side of my neck and went back inside, leaving me clutching the railing, my knees shaking with anticipation.

“Hi up there are we still on for coffee tomorrow?” A voice called from below.

It took me a moment to realize the voice was talking to me, I looked down to see neighbor looking up at me. I blushed and then remembered all she could see was me standing there in my blouse from work, the rest of me was hidden from her view, but it made me feel naughty.

“Huh, oh, right, yes we are, sorry I was thinking about work.” I called down.

“Good, Sue from down the street might join us as well.”

“That’s fine. I’ve been meaning to call her.”

Master walked back out onto the porch as I was in mid sentence. His hand on the small of my back made me shiver and my voice quiver. He waved to the woman standing on the lawn

She waved back and yelled up “Great, see you then!” and walked away.

“Very good slave now let’s see if you can maintain your composure while I make you come.”

I groaned and my knees started to sag.

“Unless you want the neighborhood to hear me spank you I would suggest you stand up straight. Now spread your legs I have a new toy I want to use.”

I quickly stood up my and swiveled my head around to see what he was talking about.

He grinned as he showed me a metal anal plug with a pink jewel at the base. My eyes widened and I looked up at his face, “please not out here.” I begged.

“Just think of this as another accessory, like a bracelet or a necklace, I think I may have you wear this out when we go to dinner tonight, we’ll just have to see how it fits.”

I turned my head quickly to the street biting my bottom lip. Wear it out? I couldn’t even imagine. It would be constant stimulation, with every step I would know it was there the whole time. But I guess that was his point. To keep me aware that with every step I was not a free woman, I was a slave, and my body belong to another and if he wanted to keep my ass stretched it was his right.

It was moments like this that my mind faltered; did I make the wrong decision those many months ago? I reached up and touched the tasteful collar around my neck. I always received so many compliments on it. If only people actually knew what it meant.

“Lean forward a little.”

I complied without thought. My mind was still wandering holding an internal battle. I felt the pressure as the plug started sliding into place, it hurt.

“Relax into it.” He said. “This is going in either way, so you can relax and open or we can make this painful and difficult.”

I took a few deep breaths and focused on relaxing. I felt myself open up and the plug slide into place.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

In Plain Site (1 of 3)

I stood out on the small porch overlooking the front of the house. I had gotten home from work a few minutes ago. I wanted to change out of my work clothes but it was such a beautiful fall day I decided to stand out here for a while and release some of the stress from the day.

I loved this little porch; it was one of the selling points of the house. A small little alcove set above the door, like a little keyhole. It had a short wall that came to a little above my waist, the roof peaked overhead and if it had windows it would be considered a little room. It was just off the bedroom, and was very cozy. I loved to sit out there and read and listen to the wind rustle through the trees, the chirp of the birds and other insects, or watch the families out for their nightly strolls, the lovers walking to the beach and the laughs and shrieks of delight from the neighborhood children.

As I stood there I watched as the neighbors came and went; people coming home from work, mothers and fathers racing off with a child in tow to some sporting event or class. I often wondered what they thought of us; I guess to the outside world we look like your average suburban couple, I’m sure they would be shocked by what went on beyond these walls, but no one has ever seen the hooks in the basement ceiling, and Master is always cautious to put away the toys when we are done.

Often when I’m bored I make up stories about the other families on the block. You never know what kinky souls lurk in your neighborhood. In my imagination some of the things I come up with even make me blush. Sometimes I wish my fantasies were real, after all we aren’t the only ones living this lifestyle. Master has a few friends that have relationships like ours but not many, for the most part our friends are vanilla, and we don’t venture into the real time scene. Sometimes that world intrigues me and I wonder what it would be like, this life is sometimes lonely, but I’m content to remain hidden.

I watch as Master pulls into the driveway. He looked up at our little porch almost as if he was expecting me to be standing there. He smiled and I smiled back and gave a little wave.

A few minutes later he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head.

“Hello Master.”

“Hello slave.” He whispered in my ear. “Did you have a good day?”

“Yes Sir. Long, but no drama”

“Good.” He said as he starts unbuttoning the bottom buttons of my blouse. He put his hand on my bare belly and his fingers started gently caressing me. I leaned back into him. I love how he touches me.

“Are you home for the night?” He asked.

His question sends a little ripple of anticipation through me. “Yes Sir. No classes and I finished everything I needed to do before I left the office.”

“Good girl. Take off your skirt.”

“Here?” I asked.

“Yes, no one can see you through the wall.”

Friday, August 29, 2008

Assignments

Master often gives me writing assignments or little mini research projects. And although it may seem that way, not all my assignments involve writing about a training, my feelings or stories. Occasionally they involve trivial things that pop up in conversations.

The other weekend we were discussing movies and we kept mentioning movies with numbers in their titles. We tried to figure out the names of movies that had numbers in them up to ten but it was late and we were both tired so we gave up without having finished the list. The next day this was given to me as an assignment.

I was to find movie titles with numbers in them - but not just the number, it had to be First, second, third etc.. and the number should ideally be in the beginning of the title. The movie also had to be a major motion picture not some obscure little indie film. Just finding movies with numbers as in one, two three is a bit easier, I made that list also. Why? It wasn't asked of me but I'm a bit obsessive compulsive and figured if I was going to do one I might as well take the initiative and do the other. I'm weird like that.

Thank god for IMDB! But even then some numbers just don't fit the bill. No matter how many searches on google or IMDB there were some numbers that just didn't have titles that made the cut. I added them to my list anyway just so it would be complete and we had fun razzing on the movie industry and how they really need to get to work completing list this instead of making all those other movies.

So not all assignments are introspective or erotic, some are just plain silly fun.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Training

I was naked, hogtied, blindfolded and gagged on the bed. I could hear movement coming from the next room and every now and then a noise would put me on alert from somewhere in the room but I couldn’t pinpoint it. I didn’t know how long I had been there but my jaw was starting to ache from the gag. I would hear the click of a camera every so often but mostly it was just silent.

I lay my head down on the bed straining to hear, hoping that Master would come back and release me soon. It seemed like hours had passed when I heard footsteps coming closer. I lifted my head and turned toward the sound. My legs were grabbed forcefully and I was pulled dragged down to the edge of the bed. My knees were pushed open, my feet pushed toward my head and I felt a pressure against my ass. My legs involuntarily tried to clamp shut but hands pushed them apart and Masters voice told me to breathe. I exhaled through my gag relief flooding me now that I knew who it was who was attempting to gain entrance to my body.

I opened my knees and took a few deep breaths, trying to relax into the pain of his entry into my ass. It seemed like no matter how many times he entered me this way it still hurt in the beginning. I gasped and started to panic, but Master put his hand on my back soothingly and told me to relax and open up to him.

I took another breath and listening to his voice I slowly felt the tension I had been holding slip away. Master slipped further inside me and started moving. There was no pain anymore just pleasant sensation as he moved deeper and deeper inside me. I groaned into my gag, and tried to move but I was tied to tightly. My muscles ached and burned from straining to move, and from the building tension of an orgasm.

I felt a hand on my hair and then a hard pull of my head. His grip was tight and he pulled my head back bending my body like a bow as he continued to thrust in and out of my ass. I was moaning and whimpering beneath my gag. I felt his pace pick up. “Get ready to come slave.” He said to me making me shiver. I barely heard his next words I was so flooded with emotions but I knew what they were. My body bowed even more, my chest coming up off the bed, my feet reaching for my head as the tension in my body peaked and then exploded. I felt Master pull out and a warmth spread across my ass and back as he came covering me with his essence.

Master released my hair, and removed my blindfold and gag. I winced at the brightness in the room and quickly closed my eyes trying to get them to adjust. I moved my jaw around working the muscles that had been stretched and held in place for so long. “Thank you Master” I whispered. “You’re welcome slave.” He replied and left me still tied to find a towel. When he returned he cleaned me off and untied me, gathered me in his arms and held me. “You did well, today slave, you’re a good slut.” He murmured into my hair. I smiled, stated, and proud that I had done well in my training. I closed my eyes and quickly fell asleep in Masters arms.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

D/s v. M/s

This is such a big topic that I know I might get myself in trouble over it but I will try to only speak for myself. Let me preface this by saying I pass no judgment on anyone else’s relationships and honestly these feelings and definitions are my own, if yours differ that’s great but please don’t tell me I’m wrong. We just may have a difference of opinion.

I’ve been asked what the difference is between D/s and M/s relationships and since the definitions of these relationships vary so much it’s hard to clearly pinpoint a definition that will be universally accepted. In my opinion D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationships are very similar to M/s (Master/slave) relationships in that one partner is in control and exercises their power over the other. The difference to me stems from the level of submission and to some extent the commitment.

I know there are people in long term relationships who are D/s and will take offense to that last comment. I’m not stating that people in D/s relationships are any less committed to each other I’m referring more to a commitment to the level of the D/s relationship. I’ve found M/s relationships to be much more intense, extending over into daily life while many D/s relationships only travel as far as the bedroom. The sub usually has some level of control where a slave gives that up and only has as much control as their Master allows. I know these are generalizations but I’m treading on thin ice anyway and probably should have just e-mailed this instead of posting it but its not the first time I’ve been asked.

Many M/s relationships that I know are 24/7 or at the very least in RT, but not all. I know there are people out there that write and talk about online M/s relationships but I'm not sure how that would work, I would find it incredibly difficult to commit to the level of submission required of a slave when I only spoke to someone online. For me this just wouldn't work. It would be too tempting to act out or just do what I want knowing that the chances of me being caught were nil. I need a firm hand to keep me in line and there is just no way someone would be able to accomplish that online, or even long distance. As it is, I sometimes find myself struggling to behave with the short distance between where Master and I live. I can’t imagine being several states away and only seeing each other a few times a year. But that’s just me.

I think another distinction I see between D/s and M/s relationships is the obvious, in one the Dominant partner has a submissive but in the other they have property. That’s a big distinction in my head. It’s a different mindset to think of yourself as submissive as opposed to thinking of yourself as property. One is a complete letting go while the other retains some control.

Given my own internal definitions of the D/s and M/s relationships and my struggles in the past I'm often asked why I chose to enter into another M/s relationship instead of a D/s relationship. I guess I would have to say that when I commit to doing something I can’t just do it half way. I am just too strong willed and dominant in too many ways to only consider being submissive. When I’m just Dominated I feel more control and that’s when I tend to flip things, when I feel Owned I know I can’t get away with it.

So there is my attempt at answering a heated topic. Please remember this is my way of thinking, everyone is entitled to their own opinions and definitions. This is a very varied community and I mean no disrespect to anyone. Just as the rules of Masters vary so do definitions that define our relationships. I was asked about definitions, so I have given it.

I don’t feel my relationship is any better or worse or that I’m more of a sub or slave than anyone else, that’s petty. This is just how my world operates, if yours operates differently and you are happy and confident in your relationship whatever form it takes I say good for you I support you in whatever makes you happy. We are all in this lifestyle together and there is no room for judgment.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

You're not alone

I waited impatiently in line at the grocery store. The woman in front of me had a full cart and was moving very slowly and carefully. I sighed giving in to the wait, knowing there was no use in being impatient all the lines were full and at least I was next.

I watched the woman in front of me. There was something familiar in her movement but I couldn’t identify it. Every now and then she would suck in her breath or wince when she backed into the cart. My attention was on full alert, was she being abused? I ran through the different scenarios, watching to see which movements caused her to be uncomfortable and tried to figure out how they were familiar.

She reached for something in the front of her cart and it clicked. Her sleeve pulled up as she stretched her arm out reaching for a jar on the child seat at the front of her cart and I saw the marks. They were as familiar to me as looking in the mirror, they were bruises from cuffs. The stilted movements and wincing pain when she backed into the cart must have been from a flogging or something similar. She saw me staring at her wrist, she blushed and quickly pulled it away pulling down her sleeve. She averted her eyes and went back to unloading her cart.

I noticed she had forgotten a small container of something from the deli. I reached into her cart and handed it to her. “Don’t forget this.” I said with a smile.

She didn’t look up at me she just reached out for the container, trying to keep her eyes down, she mumbled “thank you”. As her hand touched the object her head shot up to look at me her eyes wide in disbelief.

I grinned at her. “You get used to them.” I said as she looked back down at the rope burns circling my wrist and then back up at the small lock around my neck.

“Hopefully one day you will wear them with pride.” I told her.

She stood there stunned and unable to talk.

“Will that be all?” the check out girl asked popping her gum and looking bored.

Still the woman stood there staring at me the container held in her hands.

“I think she has one more thing.” I said to the girl and took the container from her hands and put it on the belt.

That snapped the woman out of it. “Right, uh yes, that’s the last thing.” She said as she handed over the container, paid and retrieved her bags.

I fished a business card out of my purse and handed it to her. “If you ever want to talk,” I said.

She took the card, still staring at me in disbelief and nodded. She looked back at me several times as she walked away. I smiled to myself as I unloaded my cart. You never know who you are going to meet at a suburban grocery store.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Being a Bad Girl

I can’t say there aren’t times when acting out crosses my mind. Moments when I think to myself…hmm I wonder what would happen if I…..but then I don’t go through with it. Those thoughts seem to float through my head when I think I want Master to be rougher, spank me longer, go deeper, pull my hair harder or any combination of those things. That’s when the business dominant personality and my submissive side conflict and if I’m not careful I get myself in trouble and try topping from below.

I’ve never acted on these disobedient thoughts, maybe because knowing my luck I would act out and I would get the opposite of what I am looking for. I would wind up tied up and left somewhere completely frustrated and not allowed to come. I also think that if I did this once I might get away with it but Master would quickly discover my game and then I would be in trouble.

I think the other reason I don’t follow through is because even though I may enjoy those other things in the moment I get a lot of long term pleasure out of pleasing Master. So while acting out might get me immediate gratification it won’t give me long term satisfaction. Not to mention I would feel horribly guilty and wind up confessing my indiscretion to Master which would I’m sure set off a chain of events that would not be pleasant or worth it.

I just don’t think I could blatantly be defiant. It’s just not me. Although if Master made me angry enough my evil side would most assuredly rear its ugly head and I may do something disobedient without thinking and then have terrible remorse after I calm down, but at that point I would be unable to take it back…that’s the problem with having a wickedly short temper it can get you in heaps of trouble. And who would I really be hurting by lashing out or misbehaving, certainly not Master, I would only be hurting myself. I would be disrespecting my relationship with Master and in turn disrespecting myself. As I said before I just don't feel its worth it, but I can't say it doesn't cross my mind.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Intimate Moments

I sit straddled on Masters lap, my head on his shoulder his arms wrapped around me. Master’s hands run over my ass gently kneading. He leans into me and whispers “You’re a fine piece of ass, slave, I’m glad I own you”. I love hearing this it sends shivers down my spine and makes me smile. I am proud to be his property and I’m glad he feels I’m a valuable asset.

We sit there for a while just enjoying being together. After a while he grabs hold of my ass and squeezes harder, giving me a few light taps. This either means that he wants me to get up or he is gearing up to tease me. When his hand doesn’t move to my leg to give me a boost off him I know he has chosen to tease me which makes me wiggle in anticipation my heart speed up and my breath come a little faster. It really doesn't take much, my imagination is so vivid. Soon he gives me a few well placed smacks that make me hiss, moan and writhe even more on his lap.

After I am extremely aroused and just about bouncing in his lap he orders me to stand up and strip. After I comply he takes me by the hair, pulls me up on my tip toes and bends me over to be spanked. Whether it is his hand, a crop or a flogger I know I will soon be torn between the pain and the pleasure. Either way I will soon be even more aroused and on the brink of orgasm, begging to come, my pussy already swollen will be wet and ready for him should he choose to use me when he is finished.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Where it all began

People have asked me how I was introduced to the world of BDSM and I usually give the vague reply of "an old boyfriend introduced me to it but that turned out bad." I realize that by sharing my experience I may help someone else get out of a similar situation before it gets as bad as mine did or even worse.

Older boys always held a fascination for me. I didn’t like the boys my age they seemed stupid and mindless. I think what I was attracted to was that older boys felt they knew everything and expected you to bow to their will. There was something appealing about that. I wish I had had a name for what it was I was looking for back then maybe I wouldn’t have gotten myself in so much trouble. It was the old story, boy meets girl, girl falls for boy and wants to please him, boy turns out to be crazy.

Its always interesting learning about how other people wandered into this life. For so many it seems it’s a conscious choice, they decide to seek it out, they bring different elements of it into the bedroom and it blossoms from there. I can’t even say for sure how it happened to me. I thought I was dating this great guy and it was a very vanilla relationship but somewhere along the way something shifted. It was a gradual process and I went along with it. There was no discussion about what we were doing; there was no name for it in my vocabulary. It started out subtle; he started telling me what to wear, he would feed me, sex got a little kinkier, blindfolds, mild bondage, a little slap on the ass here and there and without even realizing it on my part he began training me to come on command.

I lost most of my friends out of simple neglect. I didn’t have time for them; he always had something planned that they weren’t invited to. We started meeting other people whose relationships were similar to ours. So to me it seemed normal and I didn’t understand why so many of my old friends thought our relationship was weird. I just figured that our relationship was different because he was older than me. I took his dominance of me as a sign of wanting to take care of me, boy was I was really off on that one.

I was his property; I had no say in anything by the end, which may have been fine if he had cared about his property at all. He would feed me, dress me, tell me what I could and couldn’t do, and with the exception of school I was to be available to him at all times. If I displeased him (which was often) I would be flogged, slapped, kicked and/or forced to sleep on the floor chained to the leg of the bed usually while he had sex with someone else. To a hormonal teenager who thought she was in love this was the ultimate pain.

I was only 16 when we met and 19 when I left, he was in his 20's. He had my self esteem wound around his finger and made me so dependent on him I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I would do anything and put up with anything. He loved to share me with others, humiliate me in public, both verbally and physically, and one of his favorite games was to sneak up on me and choke me until I passed out just to watch me struggle and when I came to he would do it again. We had no safe words, there were no vanilla moments this was life 24/7.

Maybe this doesn’t seem so extreme to some people but I’ve come to realize the difference between what I want/have now with Master and what I didn’t have then. I did not knowingly enter into that relationship, I didn’t find any sense of fulfillment or freedom in my slavery, all I felt was despair, a desperate need to please and a fear of what would happen if I didn’t. I was like a drug addict and he was my fix, leaving was one of the hardest and most empowering things I have ever done. I needed the help of friends to get through it. It was actually another Dom who packed my stuff, removed me from the situation, set me on a path of healing and kept me from crawling back. I will always be indebted to him. He saved my life.

I realize now that this was not M/s this was abuse, but the seeds of the M/s relationship were planted and though I used to struggle with my desires thinking I would somehow wind up where I was before, now I embrace these desires and know that I can have this in a healthy way. Master has shown me that. It took a long time and it was hard to wander back into this world, but I’m a different person now than I was back then and I’m happy I did. A collar doesn’t have to mean fear; it can mean freedom as well.


Friday, August 22, 2008

A Big Decision

This is an excerpt from another story from the life of my favorite couple...Her Master has just told her she needs to leave for 6 months to decide whether or not she wants to be owned and not just one of his many slaves.

I tucked my legs under me and sat up, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissed him. A deep kiss, filled with longing, desire and fear. This might be the last time we were together. I couldn’t imagine it. I pressed my body to his. “Please, Sir” I whispered and reached out to take off his shirt, needing to feel his skin touch mine.

He pushed me back a little and pulled his shirt off, unbuttoned his pants and shifted his body so they slid off and landed on the floor. He reached over and grabbed me. I straddled him and sank down on his cock burying it deep inside me. He grabbed the back of my hair and pulled my head back, and looked deep into my eyes.

He pulled a little harder causing me to arch back as he buried his face in my breasts, suckling at each nipple while I rode him taking him deep inside me over and over again. I quickly felt my desire peak. “Please Sir…please…”

He brought his hand up to my lips, with his mouth still wrapped around my nipple, he mumbled “Not this time, this time you come when you are ready.”

I groaned picking up my pace. He reached around behind me and pushed first one then two fingers in my ass. I shivered, pleasure racing down my spine to pool between my legs and then an explosion of light so amazing. “Yes, Oh God yes!” I screamed.

I felt his body tighten on the brink of his own orgasm as my body convulsed around his fingers and cock. A few more thrusts and I felt his cock thicken as he came inside me, a groan escaping his lips.

We sat there like that wrapped together for several moments, enjoying the shaking sated feeling in our bodies. He carefully removed his fingers from inside me, and laid back pulling me down with him but keeping his cock inside me.

He stroked my head as we lay there. We must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew it was dark and he was shaking me awake. “It’s time.” He said kissing me. He gently moved out from under me and stood pulling on his jeans. “It’s time to go, our discussion about what you need to do is over, and the choice is now up to you. You can either give yourself the time to make this decision to return or you can walk away tonight and never return. I can’t compromise on this.” For a moment I thought I saw sorrow in his eyes but he quickly turned away. “I’ll meet you downstairs; your clothes are in the closet, leave your collar on the bed.”

My tears starting up again as I watched him leave the room. I quickly got up and got dressed. My fingers hesitated with the buckle on the back of the leather collar. When I finally got it undone I held it in my hands looking at it. I didn’t want to let it go but I knew the only way I could keep it was by leaving. So really, I had no choice. I knew I couldn’t walk away tonight, and never return. As much as what he explained scared me and as much as it hurt I would have to give him his six months. I laid the collar gently on the pillow and left the room.

He was standing in the living room when I came down the stairs. I wiped the tears from my face and approached him. He reached out for me and folded me in his arms. He rested his cheek against the top of my head. “I’ll take the six months, I said, but I don’t need it. I’ll be back Sir.”

He sighed, kissed the top of my head pulling a key out of his pocket. “Take this. I’ll give you two additional weeks at the end of 6 months to make a decision to return but I don’t want to see you before six months. If you don’t return I’ll change the locks and this will be goodbye, do you understand?”

I looked up at him through my tears and shook my head “Yes Sir.”

“Good girl, I hope you come back to me.” He said and turned to walk me to the door.

As I stepped out the door I turned and looked back. “We don’t have to do this, Sir.” I said, “Please don’t make me do this.”

“Think of this as another step in your training. This isn’t a request I’m making. Enjoy your freedom for the next 6 months.” he said, “It’s the only way I’ll accept your answer.” And with that said he closed the door.

I stood there a moment lost. “Freedom”… I already had freedom, and this sure didn’t feel like it. I didn’t know what this was but it sure didn’t feel like the release I felt when I had a collar around my neck and knelt at his feet. I wanted to bang on the door, beg him to let me back in but I knew it wouldn’t make a difference; in fact it would only make things worse. If I truly wanted to serve him, be owned by him, be his slave, then I needed to begin now and follow orders. I wiped the tears from my cheeks and walked away, wondering what I was going to do for the next week let alone the next six months.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

What do you find is the most difficult part of being a slave?

I took this question off one of the Fetlife boards because it intrigued me and I wanted to explore it.

For me it's trust, I’ve written plenty about my challenge with trust but that is such an all encompassing term that covers so much. When I break it down there are different things that I trust without question and others that I struggle with.

What I trust is:

  1. I trust that Master will not physically hurt me on purpose, accidents do happen though.
  2. I trust that Master will not share photos or information about me that could jeopardize my career.
  3. I trust that Master will not judge me by any emotions that I have regarding our relationship.
  4. I trust Master to not force me into a situation that could be dangerous.
  5. I trust Master not to purposefully hurt me emotionally, in other words, he may do something that hurts me emotionally but I trust that he didn't do it intentionally to cause me pain and that there is some remorse for what I am experiencing.
  6. I trust that Master will be there for me if I need him.

What I am struggling with is:

  1. Complete transparency, I’m used to hiding things out of fear of judgment or rejection.
  2. Sharing my emotions with Master immediately out of fear of rejection or loss
  3. Asking for what I want – Sometimes I feel that by asking I’m being a selfish slave but I know that Master can’t read my mind so in order to get what I want I need to ask, otherwise I get moody when he hasn’t figured it out. Once I ask I know that I put the decision of fulfilling my wish in my Owners hands.
  4. Letting go of insecurities – that would be so healthy it’s scary.

I realize #3 on the top list and #2 on the bottom seem to contradict each other and I’ve sat here and tried to write about what I feel are the differences but I can’t get it to make the same sense on paper as it does in my head. I think the bottom line is just because you don’t judge someone by how they are feeling doesn’t mean that your reaction to those emotions won’t prompt you to make choices that may lead to loss or rejection. I think that’s as clear as I can possibly make it.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

More

A warm hand brushed my thigh, the fingers lightly trailing upward. My body responded and I parted my legs willing the fingers closer. Slowly inch by tantalizing inch they made their way between my legs, sliding through my wetness. One finger then two slipped inside me making my body arch off the bed. I wanted more, I wanted them deeper I wanted them to move.

Warm lips trailed their way down my throat across my collar bone and down to my breast. I felt the cold wetness of a tongue as it grazed my nipple right before the lips captured it sucking and teasing. I groaned my hips moving in time with the fingers sliding in and out of me. “More” I whispered and got my wish as a third finger joined the other two in filling me.

The lips continued their exploration of my other breast and as I arched and moaned they slid downward. A tongue circled my belly button; soft kisses followed the tan line of my bikini bottoms. I felt the warm breath of an exhale as the tongue reached out and flicked my clit.

My hands grabbed hold of the sheets my hips lifting off the bed. The fingers continuing to slide in and out of me the tongue sliding lower to taste me. I gasped and started to raise my hands off the bed. The tongue moved away and I heard the words “No keep them by your side. I want to explore.”

I whimpered at these words but kept my hands clenching the sheets and the tongue flicked back over my clit. Seconds turned to minutes and the tongue continued its slow methodical torture bringing me to the edge of orgasm and then backing off. A fourth finger stretched me wide, the flames of my desire backed down a little as I adjusted to the feeling. But the mouth captured my clit again quickly changing the sensations to pleasure.

The head lifted, “Do you still want more?”

“Yes” I whispered even though the very idea terrified me. I heard the click of the lube bottle and felt the cool wetness of it as it was poured over me and the hand that was still slowly moving in and out of me and then the most intense pressure I’ve ever felt, I thought I would be ripped in two.

“Breathe” the voice said.

I hadn’t realized that I had been holding my breath until I gasped for air.

“Relax into it” the voice said again.

I just kept listening to the voice and breathed deeply and suddenly the pressure stopped and an overwhelming fullness engulfed me. It was a strange sensation to be so full, and then the hand moved, just a little a tiny shift which sent ripples of pleasure through my body. I gasped, my fear forgotten and started to slowly rock on the hand inside me. The mouth returned to my clit and soon I was begging and pleading for release. A few more strokes and I couldn’t hold back any longer. My back arched up off the bed and I screamed as an orgasm more intense than I had ever felt ripped through my body, tears sprang to my eyes from the overwhelming emotions flooding my body, it was too much. The hand had continued to slowly twitch but I reached down and grabbed for it, making it stop, pushing the head away.

My breathing slowed and my wits returned and the realization of what goes in must also come out, began to dawn on me. I cringed and braced myself as the hand slowly and carefully pulled its way back out, the sensation was awkward not exactly painful but not pleasant either and its removal left me with an intense emptiness. The pleasant sensations hadn’t entirely been chased away by the hands exit and I lay back relaxing into the little shudders that continued to run through my body. We lay there together a head on my thigh, a hand wrapped around my leg, my hand on a shoulder, bliss.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Glitch in the Radar

I know that after such a glorious mini vacation I should be thrilled but there has been something gnawing at the back of my head for the past week or so and I haven’t been able to put my finger on it until today. I rely on my intuition, my ability to read people and situations to get through my daily life. (I know that sounds so New Agey but just go with me on this one, you may not agree or understand but its my blog.) Oh sure there are times when I zone out and really don’t give a crap about what is going on around me but if something seems off, or really fabulous, even when I’m in that weird zoned out state I find my senses snapping to attention trying to figure out what is going on.

I realize now how much I count on those feelings; I’ve never met someone who I haven’t been able to fully read until now and I’m really struggling with it. I know the word struggle has so many negatives attached to it and I don’t really mean it in a negative sense, there are negative aspects to it but its more of a frustration.

I find that sometimes when I’m with Master I feel as if I put on a wet suit, with a blindfold and gloves. One minute I can sense him, feel him, he’s right there and the next thing I know it’s like he entered the Bermuda Triangle and completely blipped off my radar. It feels like a door gets slammed shut, its actually quite abrupt and strange, and its then that I struggle. It’s like someone cut off one of my senses and I’m trying to maneuver in the dark. I don't mean to suggest that he pulls away at these times or even that he isn't still following whatever conversation we are having, thats what makes it so difficult. It's just random.

In my head I try to figure out what happened, what changed. I get in my head, insecurities pop up and I feel lost. I’ve mentioned this shift to Master a few times hoping to gather some insight into it and I’m not sure he is even aware he does it. I don’t know where he goes or what he is thinking about, it could be related to his work, an idea that popped into his head that he is trying to follow, or something else all together but I really don’t have a clue and that’s what is so frustrating. (I realize that by sharing this I am exposing myself as a slave with a control issue, two things you don’t usually find together but I am who I am). I know I need to bring this up to him but I’m emotionally challenged when it comes to sharing my feelings. For some reason I’d rather struggle and beat myself up instead of just opening up and asking. Crazy I know but to be honest I don't know if he would have an answer since he is just as baffled when I ask him where he went as I am when it happens.

Its funny, sensory deprivation (blindfolds, being bound etc) is one of many things that I find highly enjoyable in the bedroom all the other senses are heightened and it is extremely arousing but outside the bedroom I find it debilitating and frustrating. Maybe it’s because all my other senses are on alert and I still feel like I can’t function. It’s a comfort thing. I guess this is what it would feel like if you suddenly went blind or lost a hand or something. Its been a struggle to figure out what has been bothering me but now that I see what it is hopefully I can start to move through it.

I guess you could say that this is a test for me in the ultimate surrender. I just have to trust and move blindly forward. Well let’s face it not completely blind I still have the ability to talk about things with Master and given that opening up is hard for me this forces me to break out of my unhealthy patterns. To a certain degree I trust that if something is bothering Master he will tell me. I can’t say I am totally certain of this because that’s the way healthy relationships work and I’ve never experience that with anyone, which is what allows those pesky insecurities to pop up.

It’s all a learning experience and healthy relationships have never been my strength. I will say that being with Master despite this glitch in my radar, sharing with Master and trusting Master have never come so easily to me. It might only take me a day or so now instead of a month or more to bring something up that is bother me or to express myself and that to me is extraordinary. I know some may think that I shouldn’t hold back at all and they are right, but baby steps people, it’s taken me a long time to build these walls they don’t crumble down in a day.

Not having the safety net of this extra sense that I rely on is difficult but it is allowing me to step out of my comfort zone; ask questions even if I’m not sure I will like the answers, and biggest of all realizing that my insecurities are mine and really have nothing to do with him; they are about past hurt that has nothing to do with the present. They still suck but it’s getting easier to push them aside as junk or talk about them and get them out in the open. I can’t say I don’t like some reassurance every now and then but I know in order to be in a truly healthy relationship and feel secure I can’t “need” reassurance. Enjoying it when its given is one thing but to "need" it is unhealthy. I don’t know if that makes any sense but its how I feel.

Maybe there really isn't anything to talk about with Master anymore, it seems I may have worked it out just by writing this. I will share it with him though, its good to share where my head is it helps to build intimacy and trust. I will probably still struggle when I feel Master blip off my radar but I am learning that he does show back up and I have faith that he will continue to do so.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Fantasy v. Reality

We had just come back from the beach, Master was off investigating the B&B. I had taken a quick shower and lay stretched out on my stomach in only panties reading. I heard the door open and shut but stayed where I was up on my elbows, my legs bent ankles crossed and continued with my book. I heard the little chime of Masters camera as he turned it on and smiled to myself knowing that that sound meant that I was laying in a position he enjoyed. When he was done taking photos he climbed up on the bed and told me he had decided he was going to have me before dinner. My heart fluttered, I threw my book mark in my book just as he grabbed a hold of my hair and pushed my head in his lap. While I held him in my mouth using my tongue up and down his length and around the tip he pulled my panties down, running his hand across my ass, lightly patting it. Occasionally he would hold my head down not allowing me to move, his cock buried at the back of my throat telling me to use more tongue or to just hold still. I was becoming more and more aroused squirming as his hand would graze my wetness.

He told me to turn over onto my back, while he moved to the foot of the bed and pulled me roughly down to meet him. From the moment I saw the four poster bed in our room I knew I would be bound to it at some point during our stay, it was just too tempting. I had started fantasizing about it as soon as I walked in the room. As Master spread my legs bracing one foot on each of the two bottom posts I knew my fantasies were about to come true.

Master bound my ankles to the post about two feet up from the bed, keeping my feet flat against them; my ass was poised on the edge of the bed giving him full access to his property. He stood between my legs and ran his hand down my body, took hold of my hips and thrust himself fully inside me. I tried to stifle my gasp of joy when he entered me. I love the feeling of Master filling me, using me as his little toy, and the feeling of helplessness that comes with not being able to move much.

I writhed and moaned as he bound my wrists together and put tortuously tight clamps on my nipples making me whimper even louder. The lobby was right outside our door so Master stuffed my panties in my mouth to muffle my cries. Patiently Master continued thrusting in and out of me as I moaned and twisted trying to get him to go deeper, take me harder, faster but he held me to his own rhythm occasionally picking up the camera to take photos of me in my helpless submission or playing with my clit making me twitch and struggle even more.

Master likes to feel me struggle. He wants me to try to move, and loves that I can’t. Even when I’m not bound he often holds me down and tells me to move knowing that I am no match for his strength and then there are the times he tells me not to move but doesn’t restrain me at all, moving the struggle from a physical to a mental struggle to remain still and obedient. Master particularly likes to do both at the same time, keeping me bound or restrained and then forcing me to stillness. To me this is torture, I want to scream and cry, like a little child when someone takes their favorite toy away. And then when he starts moving again I want to cry in pleasure at the overwhelming sensations and emotion of it and I don’t want him to stop.

My moans started turning into the pleas for release I would have been begging for if it wasn’t for the panties stuffed in my mouth. Master knew what I wanted, what I was hoping for and he leaned over me pressing his body to mine, the nipple clamps tugging on me with every rub of his body, his hands were underneath me gripping my shoulders as he drove himself into me hard and deep as he told me to come. My back arched up off the bed, my head bent back and I tried to contain my scream through my gag as he pushed me through to ecstasy. I lay there panting trying to catch my breath as Master pulled out of me making me whimper and pout at how empty I now felt. He bent down and pulled out his crop, giving me a few good smacks on my inner thighs and my ass, making me swell even more than I already was and began fanning the flames of new arousal.

He left me bound there and wandered around the bed taking more photos of his used, ravished and submissive property. When he was done impersonating the paparazzi he climbed up on the bed and laid by my head, his cock only inches from my lips. I stared at it hungrily and ran my tongue over my lips. He smiled and acknowledged my need but did not give in to it.

Master knows that I love sucking cock, it is one of the most gratifying feelings in the world to wrap my lips around him, feel him lengthen, harden and finally release his nourishment into my mouth, but at the moment he was just going to taunt me with it. Master reached out slowly and untied my legs, brushed my hair back from my face and then allowed me my reward. I smiled and wrapped my lips around him, thinking that reality was incomprehensibly more exciting and fabulous than even my vivid imagination could have dreamed up.


Sunday, August 17, 2008

Happiness is being a slave

Master and I took a little mini vacation to New England this past week. It was fabulous to get away and the only thing I regret is that we didn’t have more time. I could have used a few more nights…but maybe that’s because even when I’m on vacation my phone rings and the office won’t leave me alone.

We were coming back from dinner one night and as the car wound through the dark streets of the sleepy little New England town Master decided he wanted to play with his toy. There weren’t many people out and about, it was late evening, there was a slight chill in the air and it was lightly raining. Masters hand rested on my thigh and slowly made its way under my skirt. He rested his hand on my panties right above my clit, his fingers tapping out a slow sensual rhythm that made me squirm. I moved my hands behind me grabbing hold of the headrest, my back arching off the seat. I wanted his fingers inside me, I wanted more pressure on my clit, but it wasn’t up to me. I am a slave, and my body belongs to Master he takes pleasure from it when and where he wants and right now he was enjoying himself as he slowly teased and played with his toy while we drove back to our room.

My foot came up on the dashboard as I tried to maneuver him where I wanted but I was ordered to put my foot back down. I was to give the appearance of being calm as if nothing was happening. Meanwhile I wanted to scream and beg for more. The road seemed to go on forever and yet it also seemed very short. Before I knew it we were back where we were staying, and I was told to get out of the car, frustrated and weak kneed.

I took a deep breath, tried not to pout, straightened my clothes and followed him. When we got back to our room, Master seemed to have put his fun in the car behind him and was busying him self with other things. I figured I would take my mind off my misery and do a little work, so I took out my computer and bent over the side of the bed waiting for it to boot. Maybe I was also subconsciously hoping that Master would approve of my bent over submissive position and have his way with me.

When the computer finally came on I was still pouting and frustrated and I couldn’t remember what I was going to do in the first place. Master came up behind me and asked what I as doing. I said I really couldn’t remember and he grabbed a fistful of my hair and told me I was going to suck cock. He spun me around forcefully and pushed my head down where I eagerly and hungrily took him in my mouth. I was happy to be of service and would have smiled if I hadn't been so focused on the task of pleasing him.

Much too soon he pulled out of my mouth, threw me back over the side of the bed, raised my skirt pulled down my panties and pushed his full length inside me. It was just what I wanted, what I had needed since the car ride home. It was difficult to hold back from coming, it was all I had been thinking about for half an hour and now I was full with Masters cock. I closed my eyes and tried to think of something else, but Masters voice kept bringing me back to the present. He moved me around the room, from the bed to the chair until I found myself on tip toes, bent at a 90 degree angle holding on to the frame of the bed while Master thrust roughly in and out of me from behind.

I was all but crying at this point, I didn’t know if I would last much longer. I was about to start begging to come when Master gave me the permission I needed for release. He wrapped his arm around my waist pulled me close to him and whispered in my ear, “Come now for me slave.” And I did. My knees started to give out but he held me up and led me closer to the bed, my body continuing to convulse around him. "Thank you Master." I whispered. "You're welcome slave." he replied.

He pulled out leaving me whimpering because along with staying still the feeling of Master leaving my body is one of my least favorite things. Somehow after all this time my panties were still halfway down my leg and my skirt was still raised above my ass. There is something about being half dressed that makes me feel so naughty. It also reminds me that I am there for Masters pleasure and he can use me when, where and how he wants.

He left me there for a few moments, bent in half, panties half down, still trying to catch my breath. Since my back was to the door I got paranoid someone would try to come in and pulled up my panties but left my skirt where it was. I’m not sure what I was hoping to accomplish since my panties were mesh and lace but it made me feel better.

When Master came back he asked why I had pulled them up. He pulled them down again, gave me a few hard spanks reached around and pinched my nipple hard and told me that I am not to pull my panties up without his permission. He asked if I understood. I whimpered and told him I understood and wouldn't do it again. Master then released my nipple, kissed the side of my face pulled up my panties and fixed my skirt.



Master moved to the chair across the room and told me to come over and clean him off. I eagerly knelt in front of him more than happy to please him after my error in judgment a moment ago. He praised me when I was done, held me close, kissed me and told me I could go back to doing whatever it was I was planning to do on the computer, that he was done with me for now. I practically floated back over to the bed where I had abandoned my computer to serve Master and smiled at the symbolism this held in my life. My work life and my slave life side by side, they both fulfilled something inside me but right then, I was much happier with my life as a slave, work could wait for another day.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Judgments

The more I wander around the blogs and bulletin boards of people in the BDSM lifestyle the more I am stunned at the judgments people hold. There are so many variations on these types of relationships, I haven’t read about one that is the same. They have different rules, different Doms/Masters and while I would consider some peoples relationships too extreme for me as long as their lives are not at risk I say who am I to judge.

It bewilders me that people will post comments blasting others about how their relationships aren’t real or that their Master’s have no respect or love for them. Who are we to judge anyone? If you aren’t in the relationship how do you know that for fact?

What people write in their blogs or posts is just a small snippet of their whole life, they might leave out facts, they may only write about things that bug them or they may only write about the good times. Unless we know the person in RL it would be hard to say one way or another whether their relationship was disrespectful or damaging. And even then since we aren’t in it we can really only express our concern and our love for the other person and move on.

In a world where we are judged by so many I find it sad that so many in this lifestyle are pointing the finger and judging others.

Sorry for the rant I was just so upset at someone’s comments on another blog I couldn’t contain myself.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Fantasy (Part 2 or 2)

I unbuttoned Masters pants and took his cock in my mouth. He kept a tight grip on my hair, as he pushed himself deeply into my mouth. I could feel myself start to gag. “Relax and hold it there slave.” He said.

I did as I was told breathing deeply through my nose and letting my mind go, relaxing into the sensation of having Master deep in my throat.

“Good, you need to learn that, its part of your training isn’t it?” He said.

“Mmhmm.” I replied.

“Good, more tongue slave. Yes, like that. You have 5 minutes to make me come.”

“Mmm” I mumbled as I sucked and licked him, sliding his cock in and out of my mouth. With his hand on the back of my head he pumped himself in and out of my mouth. I sucked and ran my lips up and down the shaft.

“Yes that’s it slave, you’re such a good little slut aren’t you?”

I moaned softly and flicked and rolled my tongue around the head of his cock, and back down his length all while gliding my lips up and down.

“You’re enjoying that aren’t you? You like having Masters cock in your mouth. Do you do this for all of your clients?” He asked.

“MmMm” I said.

“No I guess you don’t, but you do it for me don’t you?”

“MmmHmm” I said.

I felt him thicken in my mouth, and his rhythm picked up. Soon I knew I would feel his warm come filling my mouth nourishing me. I felt him tense, his grip tightened in my hair holding my head still as he pumped a few more times into my mouth. I felt his cock twitch in my mouth and his come, warm and salty sliding down my throat. I knew I had to be gentle now and backed off as he slowed down. He pulled out of my mouth and looked down at me putting his hand beneath my chin and running his thumb across my lips.

“Good girl. I want you to know I locked the door and told the secretary we had a meeting so no one would disturb us. I would never jeopardize your position. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir, thank you Sir. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“It’s okay slave. You’re probably pretty wet right now aren’t you?”

“Yes Sir.”

“I’m sure you would like to come wouldn’t you?”

“Oh yes Sir.” I said.

“You’re going to have to wait though. You’ve had a lot of treats lately, I think you can wait. Now straighten yourself up and fix your hair we wouldn’t want to give your staff something to talk about now would we?”

I groaned disappointed but did as I was told. “No Sir we wouldn’t” I attempted to tame my unruly curly hair, opting to just put it up instead, since his hair pulling had seriously knotted the back. When I was straightened up he walked over to me and gave me a quick kiss on the nose, “I’ll see you at home slave.”

“Yes Sir.” I mumbled looking down, feeling sorry for myself, I was so aroused and was desperate to come..

He walked to the door and as his hand touched the doorknob he turned and looked at me again, “Oh and slave?”

“Yes Sir?” I asked looking up at him.

“When you get home I’m going to have you.” And with that he unlocked the door and walked out.

I smiled and slumped back in my chair with a groan, pressing my legs together. His words made it worse, but he knew that it also didn’t help that I had to go through the rest of the day with no panties. I put my head in my hands and leaned my elbows on the desk. I definitely wasn’t going to get any more work done today.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Fantasy (part 1 of 2)

I've been having this recurring fantasy of Master visiting me at work. I find myself daydreaming about it at slow moments during the day or dreaming about it at night. I wrote it down to share with Master and now I'm sharing it with you.

I was almost finished reviewing a brief when I heard the door to my office open and shut. I didn’t want to lose my place so I just held up my hand and told whoever it was to give me a minute I was almost through. I expected the person to take a seat or remain standing but before I realized it there was a presence beside me, and a hand gripping my hair, bending my head back. I gasped in outrage and was about to say something nasty when I looked up into the eyes of my Master and irritation quickly turned to desire.

“What are you doing here?” I asked moving my eyes around my office because I couldn’t move my head. I was hoping that no one else would walk in.

“I wanted to see my slave at work.” He said “I expected a better greeting than I just got though.”

“I’m sorry Sir, I didn’t know it was you, people walk in and out of my office all day. If I had known you were coming….”I trailed off as his grip on my hair tightened and he lifted me up out of my chair.

“Give Master a kiss hello and then you can make it up to me.” he said releasing the tight grip on my hair.

“Yes Sir.” I said my eyes glittering with desire. I leaned in to his chest, stood up on my toes, wrapped my arms around him and touched my lips to his. Electricity shot through my body as our lips touched and tongues entwined. His hand moved back to my hair as he deepened the kiss. I gave a soft moan and relaxed into his body.

His hand in my hair tightened and he pulled back me back breaking the kiss, “Turn around and put your hands on your desk.” He said.

“Yes Sir” I said flicking a quick glance at the door.

I turned around and leaned forward putting my hands on my desk. I felt him move around behind me running his hand over my ass.

“You look very professional today.”

“Thank you Sir.”

“I like this skirt” he said as he lifted up the back exposing my pink panties.

My head turned toward the door in a panic, what if someone came in, what would they think? I could lose my job. I wondered if Master would let me lock the door.

My thoughts were abruptly cut off when I felt him sliding my panties down to just below my ass. He ran his hand gently over my now exposed ass sliding his fingers between my legs sliding through my wetness.

I moaned and opened my legs a little hoping he would push his fingers inside me.

“Close your legs slave.”

“Yes Sir.” I said with a bit of a pout.

“You’re very wet and ready for me aren’t you?”

“Yes Sir.” I said.

“Good girl.”

I loved it when he said that to me. It made me feel all warm and tingly.

I felt him slide my panties lower, pushing them toward the floor. “Step out of these.” He said.

I did as I was told standing there in my office my skirt raised above my ass with no panties. I was so nervous and so excited at the same time. I could hear people walking by in the hallway and was terrified that someone would just walk in.

“I’m going to take these. You may get them back tonight.” He said

“Yes Sir.” I said in a whisper.

“Did I ask you if I could take them?”

“No Sir.”

“Do you always allow people to take your panties?”

“No Sir, just you, my Owner, you take what you want, after all I’m your property.”

“That’s right slave.” He said as he pulled my skirt down

I felt his hand gripping the back of my head again. He pulled me back to standing and turned me around to face him again.

“On your knees slave, I want to use your mouth.” he said pushing me to the ground.

I looked up at him, “But Master,” I whispered, “what if…”

“I gave you an order, I expect you to obey, so get to work.” He said forcefully.

“Yes Sir.” I said glancing at the door again, this time praying that no one would walk in.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Masters Rules

I've been amazed at the differences in the rules that each slave has to follow. It really shows the different types of Masters out there. I tried to come up with a list of my rules, I'm sure I missed some, a lot of them come so natural at this point I may have overlooked them when trying to create the list. I apologize for any that are missing.

Orgasm Control
  1. Ask permission before I can come, unless otherwise told.
  2. If given a token for an orgasm report to Master when it was used and what I fantasized about.
  3. Thank Master after I am allowed to come.
Use of Language
  1. No cursing particularly use of the F word unless I am repeating back to him what he has told me to say.
  2. Always refer to him as Master when he is inside me, in other situations I have the choice of calling him Sir.
  3. Always use Sir or Master in the subject line of any e-mail that I send to Master.
  4. Use words that Master finds appealing (e.g. say panties instead of underwear, pussy instead of the V-word)
  5. When writing or speaking about our relationship make sure it's clear that Master does not ask for anything, he commands or tells me what to do. There is no question it is an order to be obeyed.
  6. Be respectful when speaking to Master
  7. I can ask for what I want in a respectful manner but it is up to Master whether or not he grants my request.
How to Keep Masters Property
  1. Keep my toenails painted
  2. Keep legs and underarms smooth, my pussy neatly trimmed, waxed or shaved (Many Master's prefer their slaves bare but since this was such an issue for me he negotiated this point...I struggle too much with the idea of looking like a prepubescent little girl- it just wigs me out)
  3. In whatever task I am performing try to keep my body arched or in some flattering feminine pose.
  4. Make sure my toes are always pointed when he is using me.
Misc Rules
  1. Never touch Masters cock without permission.
  2. Complete all assignments within the given time frame.
  3. I am only allowed to play with pre-approved female playmates on my own.
  4. Report to Master any sexual activity between his slave and her playmates
  5. Obey all orders and remember my place.
  6. Never remove my own collar, this is for Master to put on and remove at his discretion.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Learning to Share (part 3 of 3)

I sank to my knees his hand still entwined in my hair leading me to the floor. “Turn and face me.” He said releasing my head.

I turned my body toward him and looked up at him.

“I want my cock sucked.” He said and stood before me.

I grinned and kept my eyes locked with his as I reached up and slid my hand over his noticeable hardness and unbuttoned his pants. I reached in and freed his cock from its restraint, as he helped push his pants down and out of the way.

“Open your mouth and take just the tip” he said.

Hungrily I leaned in and took the tip of him between my lips, running my tongue around him.. I wanted so badly to slide him deep in my throat; to feel him practically choking me.

“You want more of it don’t you?” He asked.

“Mmhmm” I murmured.

“I’m not sure I’m ready to give it all to you quite yet. I think we need to push your limits a bit more.”

I looked up at him and I’m sure he could see the worry in my eyes. I don’t know why I was so nervous about this but I was. He pulled out of my mouth and backed up just out of my reach.

“Q” he said “Come kneel closely behind my slave.”

“Yes, Sir” she replied and moved up behind me.

She knelt behind me straddling my legs, her breasts pressing into my back her pussy pressed against my ass. I shivered from the feel of her skin against mine; it was scary and erotic at the same time. She ran her hands up and down my sides giving me goose bumps.

“She’s never been with a woman before, you will break her, teach her how to serve along side you.” He said

“Yes Sir, with pleasure.”

“Get her ready, I’m going to come down her throat in 10 minutes, and I want her to come at the same time or I will punish you both. Do you understand?”

“Yes Sir.” Q replied.

She grabbed my hair tightly and pulled my head back. She leaned forward and ran her tongue up and down my neck, nibbling on my ear. I shivered. Her other hand traced my side and up and over my breast pinching my nipple hard. I cried out and tried to jerk my head forward but she held it fast. Her hand continued to tease and roll my nipple. I moaned and leaned into her hand. She rubbed her body against mine as she slowly moved her hand down my belly, then down my thigh, raking her fingernails along the inside of my thigh I jerked torn between wanting her to touch me and afraid. My heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest and then I felt her fingers slide through my wetness expertly part my lips and slide inside me. I moaned and pushed against her. She removed her fingers and grabbed my hand bringing it to her pussy.

I resisted at first but she held tight and moved my fingers around her clit and slowly pushed my fingers inside her. She was wet, warm and soft, she felt really good. I soon found that I like the sensation of her body pressed to mine, my fingers buried deep in her pussy, and I wanted hers in mine. When she knew I wouldn’t pull my hand away she let go of my hand and slid her fingers back inside me.

“You’re going to suck Master’s cock now” she whispered in my ear, “and you better do a good job or we will both be punished, do you understand?”

“Yes.” I whispered.

“Good now open your mouth.” She said

He walked over and stood in front of me while Q released some of the tension on my hair guiding my head to his cock. I looked up at him and opened my mouth to receive his gift, my tongue reaching out to taste him. I took him deep in my mouth my tongue playing along the tip and shaft as he slid in and out of my mouth. I used my other hand to wrap around him sliding it up and down in time with his thrusts in my mouth.

I moaned wonderful sensations flooding my body. I loved the feel of him in my mouth, the hardness, the way he responded to my tongue. I also loved the feel Q’s breasts pushing into my back, her soft warmth and wetness, her body tightening and releasing around my fingers. I tried so hard to focus on what I was doing but it was difficult. Q’s fingers were buried deep in my pussy keeping time with Master’s cock as it slid in and out of my mouth. She was doing things with her hand that were creating sensations inside me I had never felt before. My hips started moving in time with her fingers, I was getting so close. The pressure building inside me was getting to be too much I knew I was going to come soon.

“I hope she is ready to come for me Q” he said

“Oh I think she is ready for you Sir, just tell me when.” Q said softly

I looked up at him his cock feeling thicker in my mouth. One look in his eyes and I was almost undone but he must have seen something in my face and reached out and slapped my face, lightly “Not quite yet slave, hold back.” He said distracting me a little as he rammed his cock even further down my throat, making me gag. He eased up just a bit and I quickly regained the rhythm.

“I want you to come with her, Q. Do you understand?”

“Yes Sir.” She moaned.

“Get ready Q.” he said

Her fingers found a new motion and I felt myself starting to falter. My chest was heaving, my nipples hardened. I felt her body tightening hard around my fingers which continued to slide in and out of her pussy. I attempted to mimic her motions but I felt very clumsy.

“Now” he said and I felt him jerk in my mouth, tasted his come at the same time I felt the orgasm hit my body, I mentally screamed and moaned my mouth so full. Q’s grip on my hair tightened and she pushed herself down onto my fingers harder and ground her breasts into my back. She screamed and bucked making it even harder for me to focus.

I was having a hard time swallowing I could barely control the convulsing of my body, but somewhere in my head I knew Master would be upset if so much as a drop escaped my lips. I tried desperately to block out the other sensations wracking my body so I could focus on pleasing him. I had mixed emotions when he pulled out of my mouth, I was struggling to breathe and swallow at the same time but I also loved the feel of him in my mouth.

I found my body turning to liquid as he released me and I leaned back into Q. I had removed my hand from inside her and was slowly caressing her leg, my fingers still damp with her come. I still couldn’t catch my breath and surprisingly the sensations in my body hadn’t ceased in fact they were once again building.

“You’re a good slave.” Master said as he ran his hand down my face. “Not even one drop spilled.” He leaned down and gave me a soft kiss on the lips. “You do love to please me, don’t you?”

“Yes Sir” I said

Monday, August 11, 2008

Learning to share (part 2 of 3)

He stepped back from her and watched her for a few moments. I imagined that this is what he often did to me, posing me in some way only to step back and admire what he had done; only now looking at her I realized that his intention in doing this was not necessarily to make me uncomfortable, embarrassed or humiliate me but to admire. I gazed at the shape and curves her body made, her back was arched, the muscles in her back moving tensing and relaxing as she pressed her hands together behind her. The curve of her ass resting just above her toes which peaked out from underneath her. I began to understand Masters’ admiration for the female form. She was like a living sculpture and he was the artist, it was beautiful. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her.

“She is beautiful isn’t she?” He said softly to me, I jumped not realizing he had moved to stand beside me. I suddenly felt very self conscious and dropped my gaze.

“Its all right to look, she doesn’t mind, Q was my slave of mine a long time ago; she was recently returned to me.”

I looked up at him. “Q?” I asked.

“It’s what I call her. As you lost your right to curse or use certain words I found it necessary to take away her name. She is very strong willed and needed to be humbled and what better way than to take away her name.”

I looked back at her kneeling. “Q” I whispered under my breath. More questions formed in my mind but I was too scared to ask them. Something must have shown on my face because he bent down and looked me in the eye, he brushed the tears off my cheeks and took my chin firmly in his hand. “She is my slave, one of many that serve me but I don’t own her, I own no other but you.” He said reaching out to touch my collar. “She, as well as the others, have choices that are no longer afforded to you anymore.”

He stood up his hand sliding to my hair; he grabbed a handful and pulled me up next to him so I was standing on my toes. “Come it’s time that you learned how to serve with another.”

I hesitated; but his grip on my hair was strong and he walked me over toward her. I glanced at her still kneeling in front of the wall.

I couldn’t imagine serving with her, she was so thin and beautiful. “She is so beautiful Sir, I don’t compare.” I whispered as I was pulled across the room.

He released the tension on my hair allowing me to stand flat footed again. He put his other hand under my chin and raising my eyes up to meet his. He slapped me hard and unexpectedly across the face.

I gasped and the tears started running down my face once again.

“I don’t want to hear that from you again or you will be punished more severely than I have ever punished you before. This isn’t a contest. You are both beautiful in different ways. She may be tall and thin but she doesn’t have your style or your curves, you are sexy and feminine in a totally different way. Do you understand me?” he asked.

I continued to look at him through my tears, my cheek stinging and nodded my head.

He twisted his hand in my hair more harshly than before and led me the rest of the way toward where she was standing. He positioned me a few feet to her left and behind her. He released my hair and began unbuttoning my shirt. Sliding his hands inside, cupping my breasts, pinching my nipples hard and making me gasp. He pushed the shirt down off my shoulders and let it land in a pile at my feet. “Stand over there beside my other slave, hands against the wall legs spread.”