I had my revelation regarding submission over the weekend. Who knew that being on my knees holding Masters cock in my mouth while he read, did work or watched TV would turn out to be the beginning of some personal growth lesson the universe had planned for me.
This week I went to see someone about an old injury that has flared up and is causing me great amounts of discomfort and what did they say? What I need to do is surrender to the pain and injury. I keep trying to push my body to do things it can't do when this injury flares up the way it is so I need to listen to it and surrender, accept what my body is capable of at the moment.
Then I go to yoga and they talk about surrendering to the pose. If you surrender to the pose, not worry about what happens before or after, just enjoy where you are at the moment you can do it forever. Let go of any judgments, preconceived notions and just be okay with where you are in the moment.
Okay universe, I get it! I need to let go of thoughts of how I think something should be and just be okay with how they are. This should be easy right? Not so easy for someone with a type A personality that pushes herself to the limits on a daily basis. At least I have conscious awareness of it now and know what I need to do when I feel myself get antsy about something.
I'm not sure this surrender thing is working so well on my state of arousal. Master has been teasing me all week and I think if I surrender into the feelings I would come instantly. I finally got to the point where last night I was trying to subtly get Master to allow me to pleasure myself. He just chuckled and said all I needed to do was ask.
Well this is a tough one for me and I also know that just because I ask my request won't be granted (Sometimes being a slave can be frustrating). I finally broke down and asked and I could hear the smirk in his voice as he told me he would think about it. That I should try to get some sleep but if I was really having a hard time to call him back and he would allow me to come. Of course on principle I couldn't do that (my stubborn streak is really a problem sometimes!) So okay maybe I need a little more work in the area of surrender because otherwise I would have called him right back! Instead I was plagued with erotic dreams and sit here frustrated without release. I guess it's now time to let go, surrender and either accept my condition or go ask Master for release....who am I kidding I'm going to go make the most impassioned plea for release I can! I can't take it anymore, my imagination is way too vivid.