I’m not perfect I can’t say I’ve been 100% honest in my past relationships, but I strive for it with Master. If I can’t be honest with him even when I’m embarrassed by my revelation or know that my honesty will probably inhibit my goal then I’ve just thrown trust out the window. Not to mention that while my lie may grant me a temporary reprieve it’s bound to get me in the end. It’s not worth it.
Along with honesty comes transparency which I feel is slightly different. Transparency can be brutal and for me is much harder to achieve. I don’t know if anyone is capable of 100% transparency, I’m not even sure if it should be expected but it’s something to strive for. Transparency and lies of omission are very similar and if I could accurately voice what the differences are to me I would but I’ve haven’t been able to come up with anything that would be clear when written down.
Imagine if holding back wasn’t an issue, if you felt secure enough to be completely transparent with someone, totally open about all matters, your life laid out as an open book for someone to read without burying information under confusing prose, metaphors or footnotes that no one reads anyway. What would that be like? It’s a little scary to think of someone knowing me that well but it would be awfully freeing. There are only a handful of people (well actually less than that if I am to be completely honest) that know me anywhere close to this point. There are little places that I hold back, keep to myself, places that I call my own, things I don’t share. I’m sure many people think they know me inside and out but they really only know a piece. I’m sure many of these people would be shocked to find that I’m a slave, couldn’t imagine me handing my power over to someone else not to mention the other images that being a slave conjure up for people.
When I think of everyone that knows me and I take into account the length of time that I have known Master as well as my other friends, he probably knows more about me than anyone else. I still find it hard to open up all the way, lay my feelings on the line, and share what’s going on in my head but it’s getting easier. Do I think I can achieve full transparency? I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s even possible. But I know that I have never felt a desire to reach for it before now.
So when people say negative things about M/s relationships I have to shake my head in wonder. How could something that leads you to strive to be a better person to make your Owner proud be a bad, sick, twisted or perverse? Oh I know not all M/s relationships are healthy but then again neither are all vanilla ones.