Friday, December 26, 2008

Whats in a name?

I encountered a discussion the other day about what subs or slaves call their Owners/Doms/Masters/Daddys public or around family and friends. Most seem to call them by their given names, some avoid it, and some just continue to use Sir or Master. I was completely caught up in this discussion, it fascinates me what other people do. One person brought up that names hold power, that when you hear your name even if it isn't directed toward you, you answer or at the very least turn toward it, I never really thought about that but it's true...well I don't have a very common name so for me when I hear it I'm fascinated to see who might have it too. I guess if you have a more common name like David, Joe, Michael etc.. it might not hold as much sway over you but I honestly wouldn't know.

It made me realize that in the many years (somewhere around 7 or 8 maybe more, I have a hard time pinning down the exact year we met) I have known Master I have never used his name in his presence. I have used it in situations like checking into a hotel where the reservation is under his name or things like that but not if he is with me. It always feels so awkward and strange, it doesn't just roll off my tongue, I often stumble over it. I actually get shy using it and it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. I feel disrespectful saying it. I know it's not disrespectful if he says its okay to use it in certain situations but I just have such a hard time with it.

If I need to address him in public I will use an endearment or get his attention by touch before I would use his name, even if that means I have go out of my way to get his attention I will do it. I don't even have him programmed in my phone with his given name, I use his initials. I am okay using his initials. I know its strange that I feel more comfortable calling Master by his initials than his name but I can't help it.

This is totally my hang up. Master has no problem with me using his name in certain situations, in fact he wants me to and I can't. (hold that thought until you read the next sentence) I know it is even more disrespectful not to adhere to his wishes but I just can't seem to do it. I think if I needed to, if I couldn't get his attention any other way I would use his name, but I would try everything I could to avoid it. When speaking to other people I play the pronoun game or find other creative ways to avoid using his name. I've gotten quite skilled at it so far.

Its funny I wonder, at this point if he would even answer if I used his name. He might not even realize I am speaking to him! I'm sure it would sound just as funny to him coming from my mouth as it does to me. So for now I will continue to be creative and keep my fingers crossed that I can avoid situations where using his name to speak to him would be inevitable.

If you are wondering what Master calls me, he uses my name for the most part, often with slave in front of it or sometimes just slave, or slut, it really depends on the situation. My name doesn't shorten to a nickname or anything like that. I've heard that some slaves have special names that their Masters call them, slave names I think they refer to them as, but we have never done this. I know I would have a hard time answering to it a different name. I have a hard enough time answering to my own name! Half the time it takes me a few moment to process that Master is even speaking to me. I'm either lost in thought, half listening or just plain can't hear him (I've got some mild hearing loss due to being stupid when I was a teenager). I can't imagine the struggle to answer to a different name.

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