Wednesday, December 31, 2008


There is always some big debate raging by people in the bdsm world about being 24/7 in this life and those who find that this is impossible and just a really fake designation because no one can be 24/7. I don't mind the debates, I actually find some of the points on both sides fascinating but what I hate to see is the venom and anger that spews from these discussions. What happened to people being able to express their opinions? Why people can't seem to be civil and not take things so personally I can't figure out. I know there are people out there who thrive on drama and need it as part of their lives but geez, is it so difficult to discuss things in an adult fashion?

I have learned over the years not to make statements on public bulletin boards directed at a particular person and to always make comments and statements from my perspective and about my experience. My comments still get taken out of context and people have thought I'm directing negative comments at the way they live. I guess this is all part of human nature, this need to be right or maybe its learned behavior where some people feel they are always being put down and criticized and they can't see that just because someone doesn't agree with you they aren't necessarily against you either. They remain in this fight mode feeling the need to constantly prove a point.

You can see some of this more clearly in the more hot button issues of abortion and gay marriage. Oh there are those who blatantly are against these issues but then there are those who don't agree with them for themselves but really feel that we shouldn't create laws against them. I am not going to express my personal opinion on either of these issues I don't want to get into a debate about that...that's material for a different blog, this one is about my M/s relationship and bdsm so back to the 24/7 debate but those issues give really good examples of what I am talking about. People on both sides are often very adamant about their beliefs often to the point of thinking someone is always against their point of view if they aren't 100% in agreement.

I would never state that my relationship was 24/7 since Master and I don't live together but I do find some credence to this whole 24/7 thing. I know that everyone has things in their life that are outside the bounds of their bdsm relationship, parenting, work (as long as it isn't in a fetish shop), grocery shopping, etc.... these are the aspects of every day life that people use to argue the 24/7 designation. I totally understand that people aren't walking around tied up with gags in their mouths at school conferences. There is a vanilla aspect to everyones life, there has to be unless you live in a bdsm bubble where you never have to interact with anyone outside of the scope of this community.

But here is the catch, for me I have a set of rules that Master has given me. Ways in which I need to keep myself, ways to address him in e-mails etc. In my head I am his slave, this doesn't change when I go to work and I'm the boss. When I hear his voice I (usually) am brought back to this reality.

So do I consider my slavery 24/7? In some ways I believe it is, for me its not just about the ropes, whips, etc to me its a mindset. Master and I still go out and have fun, go to the movies, or out to dinner, run errands etc, like vanilla couples but if I slip up and utter a curse or say something he finds disrespectful, it doesn't matter where we are I will know I screwed up, a look, a tight grasp of my wrist and I remember who I belong to. Even if we are just speaking on the phone there is a tone to his voice when I overstep that sends a shiver through my body and in my head I am quickly on my knees at his feet. In my mind I am owned and Master holds the keys to my collar, a collar that may be invisible to most but to me its there all the time.


lalana said...

I have to agree with you on the whole "invisible collar" aspect. While there are many valid points on every side of this issue, there are also varying opinions as to what 24/7 means. Everyone has vanilla in their lives. But my slavery extends to when I'm out in public without Master... my collar is worn at work, in the grocery store, at the doctor's office, and at parent/teacher conferences. Just because I'm not bound and gagged doesn't mean I'm any less a slave at that moment. A certain look from him in a crowded room lets me know when I've crossed a boundary. Will he punish me there? Probably not, but I'll sure as hell get it when we're back home or in the car.
I think the biggest problem is people not understanding each others personal interpretation of the term 24/7. What it means to you may not be the same as me. Most assume it means living together, but at the same time - if your slavery (and/or your collar) is internal and always at the front of your mind, does it really matter who lives where?
See, THIS is why I try to stay out of the debate :) People get too worked up and forget that everyone's interpretation is different!!

Masters slave said...

Too late you just joined the debate! :-) I appreciate everything you had to say. Interpretation is everything and since we are all different I don't think we will ever come up with one definition, so live and let live. Happy 2009.

MJ's Slave said...

Thought provoking post. Reminds me of just why i stay off the opinion is just that..but i hold it very dear..and it's hard not to become defensive when you feel attacked.

i live 24/7 as MJ's slave..and i did when W/we were 800 miles apart. It is never far from the front of my mind...and i know that to be true for Him's not what W/we "do"'s who W/we "are".

i very much admire and respect those who are able to live it with kids in the house full time..sometimes i think i let mine train me for slavery...and when they are home i do feel i am serving more than one Master!

Happy New Year to you and your owner. i enjoy reading your blog.


Masters slave said...

MJ's Slave - Thank you, I hope you and your Master have a wonderful 2009 as well.

I think the trick with boards is to take a deep breath and realize these people don't know you and it doesn't matter what they think, it only matter if you are happy.

Anonymous said...

Excellent post and I think I will agree with everyone on your comment page here and realize that 24/7 is open to interpretation.
Happy 2009!

Blitzmadchen said...

It works for me and Master as he is a sailor and we have "taken in hand"-relationship where he wears the pants as traditional breadwinner and I am happy as hausfrau. So I guess you have to be wired to have 24/7.