There seems be a lot of chatter lately about orgasm control/denial lately. It seems there must be something in the air because I've read a ton of blogs talking about it. Some slaves have free reign to come as they please others have to ask for permission and may or may not receive it. I fall somewhere in between but closer to the second category.
Master controls most of my orgasms whether I'm with him or not. I have a female playmate that Master has agreed to share me with and as long as I tell him about it afterward I won't be punished. This is the only exception to the rule regarding my orgasms and this doesn't happen that often.
I try not to be greedy and Master will often give me several tokens to use at my discretion - of course this usually rattles me and amuses him because then there are too many decisions to make like when will I use them? What if I use them all too fast? Will I then be left to suffer for a long time? I could always ask/beg for more but I often find that very difficult to do. Whenever I have to ask I feel like such a greedy little slut and often I feel guilty and ashamed for asking for more. But I guess that's the point.
Master rarely denies me, often its more of a delay than a denial, but now I find I'm denying myself. I only see Master on weekends (our schedules and distance don't often allow more than this) and he usually prefers to keep me a little deprived before I serve, it keeps me focused and eager, not that I need much prompting for that since I get wet when I hear his voice. But here is the thing, I've been having trouble sleeping and last night Master suggested I make myself come to help me relax. His hope was that it would will help me sleep. What did I do? I thanked him and couldn't bring myself to use it. Oh I thought about it. May have even started the process but I just couldn't follow through I knew if I did I would be disappointed in myself for not waiting and keeping myself a little frustrated.
I still can't believe it but I know that I just can't do it. If Master told me to do it, instead of suggesting it then I know I would do it and be okay with it. But to come just so I can relax I think would make me feel like I was letting him down by not being able to do without. Of course an overly tired slave is not going to be much fun either but I'm sure I can find other ways to fall asleep. Well at least I hope I can.
Daily Mew #136
2 years ago