Thursday, February 26, 2009

What BDSM Has Taught Me

I know many people don't understand the M/s dynamic. They think that those of us who participate in these types of relationships are sick, perverse, crazy etc. They think that as women we are weak, being taken advantage of and have low self-esteem. (Sorry I can't speak for the male subs/slaves out there but I'm sure people say similar things).

As I've posted previously, these ideas are even present in so called "kink friendly" books when authors have a bias that she or he just can't shake. It's no wonder so many people hide their kinky side or feel that there must be something wrong with them when they first find these feelings emerge. Its hard to find positive portrayals of bdsm relationships. I am so thankful for the blogger out there who share their positive stories and bring bdsm and sub/Dom feelings out of the dungeon to share with others.

There are so many positive aspects to my relationship with Master. He has taught me so much and enriched my life in so many ways. It makes me crazy to think that so many would condemn it as sick. Master has helped me to trust, to let go of insecurities, to enjoy the moment. He has taught me acceptance of the submissive side of myself and shown me that to be a Dom/Master doesn't mean you have to be a manipulative, hurtful jerk.

I don't find myself weaker or with lower self esteem as a result of my M/s relationship in fact I feel more confident, more at ease with who I am. I am able to stop being such a control freak and let go of more things. My relationship has enabled me to realize that my need for control is really an insecurity, and by letting go I am actually more in control than when I try to micromanage.

In learning to surrender I have learned so much about myself. My inner struggles and ultimate surrender during training lessons with Master can often teach me so much about how I relate to situations outside of my relationship and learn to let things go. Surrender comes in so many forms, can mean so many different things and can teach us so much. In my quest to let go I am finding more happiness because I am not trying to juggle everything around me.

I think when people peel back the layers of the bdsm relationship they will find so much more hidden underneath. Its time for people to unshackle themselves from limiting beliefs and let go.

6 comments:

Charli said...

Thank you for your candid post. I, as well, greatly benefit from a D/s dynamic in my personal life; while I am not able to live it on a full time basis, it has helped me learn how to relinquish the control that I so fervently cling to in my day to day existence, and to shed inhibitions that have accumulated over my lifetime.

I cannot adequately describe the exquisite sensations of being wholly accepted for who and what you are.....finally, after so many years.

If only, as you said, more people could put aside their fears and judgments and peer under the BDSM/M/s rock to really "see" what is underneath. Sadly I think the likelihood of that happening is remote. I know many people who believe what they believe and are not willing to entertain the possibility that anything good could possibly come from such a deviant dynamic.

But I am thankful for this ever-expanding "community" and for people such as yourself who help to spread the positive word about this gloriously intense relationship dynamic.

Sky Blue said...

Thank you for that. While I'm not new to the bdsm scene and have certainly never had anything against it, I think I'm on the edge of a new journey into its depths in my personal life. I have thought about all of these things but have never come close to putting them into such beautiful words.

Masters slave said...

@Charli & Sky Blue - thank you for your generous words.

Corvan said...

As a male sub, I can tell you that the stereotypical response is very similar. Weak, not a "real" man, variations on the same themes. In some ways it is worse, because culturally men are expected to be more dominant and women more submissive (Women's Liberation notwithstanding). So a male submissive flies in the face of centuries of cultural conditioning.

I also wanted to echo the sentiments of the other comments. Your blog and others like it have helped me immensely as I am learning to express my submissive nature in ways that are both healthy and liberating. You've spoken of the freedom in surrender and I never understood that until just recently. The details are unimportant, but the sense of freedom or relief from overwhelming responsibility were and are immense.

overXposed pet said...

You actually brought tears to my eyes, you describe it so well. I realize there are many reasons for many different people, but...is as I explained to him when we first talked about this lifestyle... I need to control so many things in the outside world I want to close our bedroom door and give total control away.

I need it... and because he gets it... he is the only one that knows me completely... bare.

gem said...

What a wonderful blog entry. Everything you said is so true. I really enjoyed reading this :)