It seems that communication, or lack of communication has been stirring up a lot of people's relationships recently. There are blog posts, and board topics popping up everywhere about it...maybe its the time of year for this type of thing but it's interesting that so many people are dealing with this issue right now. Personally I think the stress of the holidays and the economic crisis facing the country and hitting all of our wallets is a huge contributing factor but nevertheless, I think communication issues are things that plague all relationships again and again.
I really try to communicate right away with Master when something starts to bother me or nag at me but sometimes I just can't seem to find the words. That's when I get in my head. Is it me? Did I do something? Then I reverse it with thoughts of , its just lack of sleep, its no big deal, I'm sure this will just pass. Either way I go round and round until I get the guts to say something and then it usually turns out to be nothing that a quick 2 minute conversation would have satisfied instead of spending days arguing with myself about whether or not to say something. Silly me.
Then there are the times when I just can't seem to find the nerve to bring something up in person but I can write about it. I'll send Master an e-mail, or post something here. Not the most direct type of communication, and not the most wise either but its a step. At least I'm getting it out when before I would just sit on it and stew. Its interesting, for someone so open about so many things I can also be very closed and guarded. But that's learned behavior from past experiences, and its a tough habit to break but I also know I have to try because when you close off communication you just create more problems.
I also find that there are times that I think I have the guts to bring something up but then I feel that it might not be the right time for Master. It might seem to me that he has too much on his plate at the moment and doesn't need to "deal" with my insecurities or issues so I keep my mouth shut (well at least for talking!) but now I'm wondering if I just shouldn't at least ask if its a good time to talk or mention that something is bothering me and see if its a good time. If I try to play mind reader and get it wrong, I could be getting myself in more trouble and asking seems like a much better alternative.
Then there are the other kinds of communication issues which are really about the way in which we communicate. For example I am a fixer by nature, if you talk to me and present me with a problem or issue you are having I will feel compelled to "fix" it. I am really learning how to just sit back and listen and not always offer advice or to at least ask if they want any advice but it tough. It's particularly tough when it comes to communication with Master.
Its a rough balance for me to know if I'm crossing the line into being cocky, bossy and demanding or just trying to be helpful. I know its all about tone, body language etc but that's not always easy when you are writing an e-mail, and its sometimes even difficult on the phone. I don't believe I've actually crossed that particular line (yet) but I really work at it.
I can be quite passionate about things and I do get rather wound up about certain topics, and in that regard Master has had to reign me in and tell me to chill. It's my tone more than my comments, unless of course I lapse into a stream of cursing, which does happen and gets me in a ton of trouble. Of course once in that mode it's not always so easy to turn that off, but I try.
Then there is the fact that I'm just a sarcastic and playful person. I don't do it to be disrespectful and do try to reign it in under certain circumstances but sometimes I just can't help myself and something slips out, but its usually meant in a fun light. (Good thing Master has a sense of humor!) Although if I'm tired or not feeling well I can be very short, or snarky in my comments which usually gets me a look or worse.
Communication is hard work, no wonder we struggle with it!
Daily Mew #136
1 year ago