Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Male Submissives

Corvan's comment to my last post made me think about male subs/slaves. I can't imagine how hard it may be for some men to accept their submissive sides. I know the disgust and negativity that is directed my way when people who don't understand these urges read my blog. I would imagine it is worse for male subs.

Men who even remotely appear to answer or care about what their girlfriend or wives think are labeled as pussy whipped or weak. It's even worse for those who may have lower paying jobs than the women they live with. If they aren't the main provider they aren't fulfilling their role as the "man of the house".

Strange to think that in this day these stereotypes are still so pervasive but they continue to be perpetuated. In some ways I think female subs have may have it easier. Many D/s, M/s relationships with female subs tend to follow a more traditional old fashioned relationship where the man is in charge and the woman submits. We see images of this all the time in old movies, and tv shows, we may even see it in our families. But reverse that dynamic and how many examples do you see? Not many.

Its funny though I often hear women talking about how they wish their man would do what they say, etc...but then when they see it in action they call the woman a bitch or they can't understand why the man puts up with it. Such a double standard.

Due to all these stereotypes about the way men "should" be I can imagine it is very difficult to embrace the opposite. The comments from others alone would be enough to get so many to push these feelings aside. I would imagine that many who can't truly accept it or can't identify their submissive need often unconsciously seek out abusively domineering women and then resent them for taking the control they don't really want but are afraid to admit.

I don't know maybe that's wrong but I do have to give kudos to those male subs/slave out there who have embraced their role and the dominant women who love, care and fulfill them in and open, healthy way. Breaking free of stereotypes is never easy.


Curvaliscious said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Grand_Marquis said...

Truth is, this isn't just a bdsm thing. All relationships require a dominant and submissive role be filled between the two parties. And socially, all cultures have managed to overgeneralized the tendency for men to fill the dominant and women to fill the submissive roles, purely out of a necessity for reproductive efficiency. If a relationship works, then it's more likely to produce children whose ancestry can be tracked. So pandering to the majority is important, even if that majority isn't that major.

These days, this entrenched assumption is really one of the biggest impasse's confronting any hope of real gender equality. The idea that women can say, "women can be strong too!" is devalued if men can't also say, "men can be weak too!" And our inability to get around this is leading to, if you ask me, the very collapse of the Family Unit that the christian right is always whining about.

The problem stems from both men and women, based on the same caveat: Woman can be dominant, or they can be submissive; MEN can only be dominant. Suddenly, you've broken the cycle. Dominant women only seek out or look for dominant men, believing submissive men to be less male, and therefore beneath their station. Through this, they doom their relationship before it even starts. Imagine a bdsm relationship where both parties claim to be the Dom, and you immediately understand why this kind of relationship just doesn't work. Eventually, something has to break.

Meanwhile, submissive men ignore or resent dominant women, because they constantly finding themselves yearning to play that role that only women get to play - where the dominant figure makes the first tangible move, asks them out, or otherwise initiates the relationship. So they find themselves turning to other submissive women, with whom they at least share something in common. And this relationship is doomed as well, because one of the two will be forced into a dominant role, which they will grow to resent, until the situation becomes unbearable.

But it's true, stereotypes are difficult things to erase. Especially when the people who utilize them most don't actually realize they're stereotyping in the first place.

Masters slave said...

@Grand_Marquis - thank you for your very insightful comment. I agree that it isn't just a bdsm thing. I also agree that submissive men tend to be ignored. Stereotypes are so difficult to break especially on the subconscious level.

Shadow said...

i'm a submissive man with a dominant woman. we have a strange d/s relationship.. she is my fiancee and i love her in that way, but in the bedroom she is sometimes ((though not always)) my master. mostly, day to day, i'm the dominant one.. i tell her to go do the laundry or wash the dishes or feed the animals.. but when she gets that tone of voice and tells me to do it i do it right away. most of our friends dont quite understand us.. because normally i appear to be the one in control.. until she uses that tone of voice.. then she's in complete control. i guess there are some submissive men out there - i'm one of them.