Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Overwhelmed

I tilt my head back letting the water pour directly on my face and down my back. I run my hands through my wet hair. I was hoping the cold shower would help me calm down but it isn’t helping. I keep imagining Masters hands running over my naked body.

I reach for the soap and run soapy hands down my breasts, across my belly.I stop there knowing that if I move further south I will have a hard time controlling myself. My body is burning for Masters touch, his gaze, his attention. I stand back under the spray of the water rinsing myself off and try to redirect my mind to other things. I start making a list of all the things I need to do today, go to the dry cleaner, pick up something for dinner, fill up my gas tank…..beg and plead for Master to release my overwhelming desire. I sigh and shut off the water, knowing that no matter what I do it’s not going to help.

My nipples harden as I step out of the tub into the cool bathroom and reach for a towel. It’s been two weeks since I’ve been allowed to come. At first it wasn’t so difficult, I could distract myself with work, chores, immersing myself in one task or another to keep my mind at bay. But the more I know it’s not allowed the more I want it. The more I crave it. The ache between my legs grows fiercer by the day. I find myself squirming in my chair at work hoping that if I “accidentally” come that it won’t count as a betrayal, a blatant defiance to Master’s demands.

I look at myself in the bathroom mirror. I don’t know who I think I’m kidding, I couldn’t do that. I want to please Master. I need to please Master. I take great pride and pleasure in serving him. Sometimes it can be frustrating but in the end the pain and frustration are rewarded.

I wrap myself in a big fluffy pink robe and wander out to the bedroom to dress trying to think of other ways to distract myself. I stand before the closet trying to figure out what my day is going to be like so that I can figure out what to wear. My mind wanders and I stand there staring at nothing.

“Clothes don’t pick themselves” Master said from behind me.

I gave a little squeal and jumped. I had thought he left. I started to turn around but he grabbed my hair tightly and held me in place.

“Have you been a good girl?”

“Yes Sir.” I said

“Are you sure?” He asked “You were in the shower for a long time.” He pulled me back into his body holding me against him, his other hand untying the sash of my robe, his warm hand sliding over my breasts, his fingers rolling and teasing my nipples.

I whimpered sinking back into him. “I’m sure Master. It crossed my mind to disobey but I didn’t want to disappoint you Sir.”

“You would be disappointing yourself slave.” He said.

“Yes Sir, you’re right Sir.” I said softly, as I lost myself to the sensations his hand was creating in my already heated body.

His hand on my hair tightened as he pulled me upward so I was standing on tiptoe then he turned me and walked me over to the bed. He released me, half pushing, half throwing me so I was bent over the side of the bed. He raised the back of my robe exposing my ass to the cool air. The sting of his hand surprised me, I wasn’t anticipating a spanking and I jumped with surprise.

“Hold still slave” He said.

I tried to hold still as his hand came down hard again on my ass.I could feel the heat forming where his hand had struck me and tried hard not to wiggle. Master knows that spankings turn me on. There is something so naughty about spankings, being bent over, exposed and vulnerable. Every now and then his hand would strike me low his fingers slightly grazing my wetness. I had thought I was excited before but now I was so swollen it was almost painful, moisture was slowly running down my thighs and my breath was coming faster. If he continued I wasn’t sure what would happen. I had never come from being spanked before but then I had never been this aroused before.

Whimpering and groaning I buried my face in the bed. I was trying so hard to stay still but it was becoming more difficult. I was arching my back into his hand, wanting more, needing more. I was completely lost to the sensations.

I hadn’t realized he had stopped his assault until I felt him part my legs, and grab my hips as he impaled himself inside me. I screamed from the delicious sensations that went rippling through my body fogging my senses.

"I need to come Master” I gasped.

“Hold it slave.”

“I don’t know if I can, it’s too much, its been too long. Please Sir, please, I can’t hold back.” I begged.

Master grabbed my hair, “While your begging is nice, you will hold back.” He said harshly. “You are not a free woman, you are owned and you come when I tell you to come. Is that understood?” He asked as he continued to force himself in and out of me the sensations almost painful but I wanted more. I wanted him deeper, faster, harder.

Tears sliding down my cheeks I answered “Yes Master.” The sensations were becoming too intense I was losing my grip on reality and falling further into sensation. My body was betraying me overriding my will and I knew I couldn’t hold back any longer. As if he could sense my point of no return I heard in the distance “Now slave, come now.”

Time stood still as my body convulsed around him, shivers of ecstasy clouded my vision, the nerves in my body were so raw that every sensation seemed magnified tenfold. A simple touch left me whimpering and shaking uncontrollably. I was sobbing; my breath was coming in great big gasps. I felt completely raw and vulnerable, like a newborn experiencing the world outside the womb for the first time. It was too much.

I must have passed out or fallen asleep because when I became conscious again I was under the covers, my robe gone and Masters arms wrapped protectively around me. I reached up and touched his arm.

“Are you okay slave?” he asked.

“I think so Sir. I’m not sure what happened. I’m sorry I guess it was just too much, it overwhelmed me.”

“I think you need to be overwhelmed sometimes, being overwhelmed helps you. It forces you to be vulnerable, to face that fear. Your fear of losing control is held too tightly, you need loosen it and release the fear behind and surrender. I can expect surrender from you but I can’t force it from you. I will guide you, show you the path but you need to let go and you have to trust that I will be there to catch you if you need it.” He said.

The tears started running down my cheeks again as I thought about that for a while. He was right. It always amazes me that Master can get inside my head like that. I still have such a hard time with trust. I think that I trust but then when I really look at it I realize that deep down there is a fear that says that it’s an illusion. That to trust means getting hurt. I have always found it weird that Master seems to know what I needed before I do half the time, but I also feel very fortunate. I know I’m beginning to let go, that Masters patience and steady hand are guiding me down this dark scary path, I guess it’s now my job to pry my fingers off the safety line and truly let go and trust that he will be there to catch me if I stumble. I shivered and snuggled closer closing my eyes and sinking into the security of his arms, thinking I’ll get right on tha, tomorrow, my fingers were too raw from the rope being yanked out of my hands today. Maybe they will be too sore to grip it tomorrow.

2 comments:

slaveangel said...

My Master used to tell me that I needed to spread my wings and fly because if He didn't catch me it would only be because I was already flying.

Sexual Adventurer said...

You've been tagged! Check out the rules here: http://asexualadventure.blogspot.com/2008/11/7-things-memethanks-jay.html

PS I love reading your tales of submission...so glorious.