A Public Apology to Master

I ask for your forgiveness for my disobedience Master. I try to be an obedient slave but it doesn't always work out that way. I guess it’s that strong willed inner core that I have, which I state as a reason but not an excuse for my behavior. As you often point out to me I am used to giving the orders but outside of work I answer to you, my Owner.

I know the rules; I’ve lived with them for a while so I can’t say I didn’t remember. Although my recent indiscretions were not intentionally willful, I broke the rules. My slips ups of cursing and forgetting to address you correctly as Master while you are inside me are offenses I continue to repeat. I know that your order of publicly disclosing my disobedience and the humiliation I feel having to share my misdeeds with the people who read my blog is your way of reminding me of who I am, who I belong to and who I serve.

Apparently I am having a hard time adhering to these rules, and forget my place too often. I understand that the offenses while minor in nature continue to be broken and a reprimand has not worked in the past so the punishment is harsher this time. I know that it is your right to correct my behavior however you see fit. I can't say I'm thrilled with any type of punishment I mean who likes to be punished? The best I can do is be accepting of my punishment, submit to your will and (hopefully) learn from it.

I am very sorry Master forgive me.

Your slave

Being a Bad Girl

I can’t say there aren’t times when acting out crosses my mind. Moments when I think to myself…hmm I wonder what would happen if I…..but then I don’t go through with it. Those thoughts seem to float through my head when I think I want Master to be rougher, spank me longer, go deeper, pull my hair harder or any combination of those things. That’s when the business dominant personality and my submissive side conflict and if I’m not careful I get myself in trouble and try topping from below.

I’ve never acted on these disobedient thoughts, maybe because knowing my luck I would act out and I would get the opposite of what I am looking for. I would wind up tied up and left somewhere completely frustrated and not allowed to come. I also think that if I did this once I might get away with it but Master would quickly discover my game and then I would be in trouble.

I think the other reason I don’t follow through is because even though I may enjoy those other things in the moment I get a lot of long term pleasure out of pleasing Master. So while acting out might get me immediate gratification it won’t give me long term satisfaction. Not to mention I would feel horribly guilty and wind up confessing my indiscretion to Master which would I’m sure set off a chain of events that would not be pleasant or worth it.

I just don’t think I could blatantly be defiant. It’s just not me. Although if Master made me angry enough my evil side would most assuredly rear its ugly head and I may do something disobedient without thinking and then have terrible remorse after I calm down, but at that point I would be unable to take it back…that’s the problem with having a wickedly short temper it can get you in heaps of trouble. And who would I really be hurting by lashing out or misbehaving, certainly not Master, I would only be hurting myself. I would be disrespecting my relationship with Master and in turn disrespecting myself. As I said before I just don't feel its worth it, but I can't say it doesn't cross my mind.